Someday
by luckless-is-me
Summary: Someday, I thought I would be loved. Ha. For people like me, someday never comes.
1. Jumper

**This has been buzzing around in my head for a long, long time. So, I finally just sort of...wrote it.**

**Rating T: For language, a slight amount of abuse, and self-hate, mostly. **

**Disclamier (This goes for the entire story): If I owned Kingdom Hearts, I wouldn't be so broke right now *airs out wallet***

**Story inspired by Someday by Nina.**

**Without further ado~**

* * *

Life just isn't worth it anymore.

I'm tired. Too tired. Too tired of trying so hard only to fail in the end. Too tired of getting pushed around from person to person, trying to make them love me. I try to change; I always try to change myself in a way that will make them love me. But, no matter how hard I try, nothing works out in the end. Life just isn't _fucking _worth it.

Life isn't worth these tears that I can't stop myself from crying; why am I always the one left crying?! What did I do to deserve this?! wasn't' I always the good child that got straight As? That never talked back? That always tried really hard to be the best friend to everybody, even though I knew they made fun of me when I wasn't around? Wasn't I always that child?

Yes, I was that child. That fucking _lonely _child. That _unloved _child. That _worthless _child. That very same worthless child that grew into a worthless adult that has let them self get treated like dirt for four fucking years.

What is it that I always thought? Oh, yes, I remember. I always thought that things would get better, that I'd find someone who loved me for me. Ha! What a joke. What a fucking joke. My own parents didn't love me! I couldn't be their perfect child! I couldn't be what _they _wanted! I _can't _be what anyone wants!

…I'll never be what anyone wants.

I'm too short. Too blunt. Too pale. Too emotionally deprived. Too _everything_. Why did I even make myself believe for all these years that someone could love me? Why didn't I just end it _years _ago?

It doesn't even matter. I'll end it _now_. I've got nothing left anyway. My parents don't give a shit. My boyfriend will just move on to some other little _slut_. I don't have any friends. Hell, I can face it; no one gives a damn about _me_.

And, that, that's just fucking _fine_.

No one wants me here. I don't want me here. I don't _have _to be here. I don't _have _to keep trying. I don't _have _to keep living this useless little existence.

I don't have to _exist_.

Why should I?

I shouldn't.

With a smile on my face, a _genuine _smile- the first in so, so many years, I grasp onto a gnarled tree branch, my toes curling as they try to grip onto the one below me. I can feel the wind trying to pull me away, like it wants me to go back to the safety of the tree trunk, but no. no, I won't go back. I won't turn back like I did the last time; I won't talk myself out of this. I'm just so close. _Too _close. And, this, this is perfect. Everyone will think that I slipped and fell in this rain. No one will ever think that I jumped.

_Not that anyone would care one way or the other._

Finally, I reach the branches' edge, my hair whipping wildly around me. The rapids…they look so inviting from my perch fifty feet up. If the fall doesn't kill me, then the rapids will. This will finally be over. My worthless existence will finally be _over. _

Happy for the very first time, I jump, closing my eyes as my body crashes into the cold, merciless water. Yes, this is how I wanted to go. Someday, I thought I would be loved. Ha. For people like me, someday never comes.


	2. Abnormality

**Hello! This turned out a little bit shorter than I'd wanted, but it happens, I guess. I just can't get away from the short chapters.... Oh, this chapter change point-of-views, and, even though it's pretty obvious who was thinking what, I put their names at the beginning of their sections. **

**Anyway, thanks everyone who reviewed the last chapter!**

((Demyx))

"Who's he?"

"No idea."

"Dem, we've talked about this…"

"Yeah, I know; I just couldn't leave him there." I couldn't; I really couldn't. "He just looked so hurt when I found him and…"

"Dem…" Axel doesn't approve of this, just like he hasn't approved of this type of thing since we were kids. Except, back then, all I brought home with me were dogs and cats and a couple of birds this one time. As I got older, I started to bring home other things. Bigger things. _People things_.

It all started when I found this homeless guy that lived in the park by my old house. I'd just gotten a new apartment, so I let him stay with me. Of course, Axel didn't like me having someone that I didn't know living with me, and, when he found out that I was letting him steal from me to go buy drugs, he went ballistic. Since then, it's been one hurt after the other for me, because I always trust them and then they always hurt me in the end. They steal my money, call me names, take advantage of me. It's just that…I can't stop. I _have _to help people. It's just what makes me _me_.

It was no different last night. It was late. Really, really late. And cold. So cold, I remember being able to see my breath when I exhaled and my fingers having to stay buried in my pockets so they didn't turn blue. I was walking home from Axel's house, because I'd been helping him try to fix his old guitar, with no luck of course. I always take the path by the river, so that's the one I took last night. For some reason, I didn't count on it being slick because of the prior rain, nor did I think that I would slip and fall down the riverbank. Why should I have? I'd never once fallen before. I mean, my balance isn't the best in the world, but it isn't awful either.

Anyway, I fell. My hair got caught on one of the lower branches, the ones that always seem to jut out like claws and grab your shorts when you try to get out of the water after you go swimming. Then, with my frozen fingers trying to save my hair and one of my feet drenched in ice water, I saw him. Well, at the time I didn't know what he was. All I saw was something on the riverbank about twenty yards away…and it was breathing. I found out later when I went to see what it was that it was a person. A person drenched from head to toe, covered in cuts, and mostly blue.

I couldn't leave him; that just isn't me.

So, I brought him back with me. To my home. Even after all the shit I've been through with the other people I've opened my doors towards, I brought him back with me. I made him a bed in front of the fire, dried him off, changed his clothes (with my eyes firmly closed; promise), bandaged him up, and put him to sleep. He didn't wake up; he _hasn't _woken up.

I called Axel less than an hour ago, because I was scared. Scared that I should've taken him to a hospital instead of here. Scared that maybe he _wouldn't _wake up. Needless, to say, Axel wasn't happy. He isn't happy.

He doesn't like me doing things like this. We've been friends for years, and I know he's just trying to keep me safe (what if I accidentally let a killer into my home? What would happen then?), but I wish he would at least try to understand. Maybe he does and I just don't know it because I can't see it. Maybe, but I don't know.

"Dem, I know you just want to help, but you should really think before you bring people home with you." He's using that tone with me again; that tone that says he's speaking to a child. I hate that tone.

"I know…but I couldn't just leave him."

"For all you know, he's a serial killer!" Axel growls, fists clenched by his sides. He's angry. It's okay; I understand. We've been over this again and again and again.

"What could he do to me, Axel?" Axel's green eyes narrow a bit, a sigh escaping his lips. He's defeated this time and he knows it. But, it's true. Whoever this person is, he can't hurt me. At least, I don't think he can. He's so small in both size and shape. I doubt he'd even come up to my nose if we were to stand side by side and his frame is just so concave, like he hasn't eaten in days. His skin is pale, too pale to be healthy, but not…bad, I guess. He's good looking the way he is: short, pale, silver hair that's tinted blue.

For once, I think I've found someone who isn't going to use me.

Although, that could just be me jumping to conclusions; I always do that. For all I know, he could be just like all the rest. He could just use me for his own gain, but…I don't think he will. I just don't know yet. I'll find out; I know I will. After all, I always do, one way or the other.

"Just…don't let yourself get hurt this time. I don't want to have to clean your ass up afterwards." I smile at that. Good old Axel. I know he's trying to say 'I don't want to see you get hurt again'.

"I'll be fine, okay? I can take care of myself." He grunts, but says nothing. I know he doesn't believe that I'm not some little kid anymore. To him, I act to childishly to not still be a child. Except, I'm really not a child. A child is someone who still believes that mommy and daddy will always be around to pick up after them when they make a mistake, to kiss their wounds after they get hurt. No, I am no longer a child. I've done too many things wrong, been hurt too many times to believe otherwise. I haven't been a child since I was fifteen years old and I'll never be a child again.

"Fine, whatever you say, Demyx. Whatever you say." He runs his hands through his red hair. I can see that he's worn out. He always seems to get like this when I bring somebody new home. I don't like having to see him like this, so I do the only thing I can.

"Why don't you head home? I'll be fine, and I'm sure Roxas is worried about you. You've been gone for awhile." He sighs. I know he'll say okay. He always does when I bring up Roxas. Axel and Roxas have been together since high school and I know how much the two of them love each other. Who wouldn't want to be around someone they love? No one. Or, at least, I don't think anyone wouldn't want to be around the person they love. I wouldn't know; I've never been in love.

"Yeah, alright. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Bye, Axel." He waves back at me from behind as he leaves, the same way he always does. Because, no matter how many years pass and how many different people I let into my home, this is always the same. The same conversation, the same good-bye.

Running my hands through my hair, I stare at my tiny blue and white kitchen. I wonder if he'd like some food when he wakes up?

((Zexion))

Everything hurts. Absolutely everything. My head feels like its splitting, splitting at the seams. My body feels like it's going to fall apart any moment now. And, my nose…my nose feels like it's in paradise. Of course, this shouldn't be happening. I shouldn't be feeling, smelling anything. I should be dead. But, I'm _not_. Well, this figures. I couldn't even commit suicide right. What is that? And epic failure? Yeah, that's me: an epic failure in both life _and _death.

Slowly, I open my eyes. I've never been here before. This place is too…cozy, lived in. Everywhere I've been before has just seemed so cold. So…where I didn't belong. Of course, I doubt I belong here either, wherever this is. I sit up carefully, making sure to keep my hands behind me for support. There's a blanket around me and a fire nearly close enough for me to touch…how thoughtful. What am I thinking? These things were probably already here; no one is ever 'thoughtful' towards me. But…that doesn't explain the blanket at all. It doesn't matter. No one cares about me; I shouldn't try to make myself believe otherwise.

"Oh, you're awake!" I jump back, curling up much like a frightened cat. "Oh mighty moogles, I'm so sorry! Did I scare you?!" I stare up at this…person through my hair. He's tall and maybe a bit lanky, but he looks like he might actually have a little bit of muscle. His skin is tan, the complete opposite of my porcelain cream. He has dirty blond hair styled in some type of…thing. I think it once was a mullet that tangoed with a Mohawk and somehow ended up an odd mixture of the two. Needless to say, it's strange. Very strange. But, I think his eyes stand out even more than that idiosyncratic hair of his. They're an odd blend of an ocean blue and a sea green. It's…nice.

"I'm fine." He smiles at that, like it actually makes him happy that he didn't scare me, even though he did. It's like he's genuinely…concerned for me. How odd.

"Oh, okay, are you cold? Tired? Hungry?"

"I'm fine."

I watch his smile drop down a notch at a time until it's completely gone. Maybe…maybe he wants me to want something? No, that doesn't make any sense. Why would anyone want me to want anything? Why would anyone want to wait on me for _anything_? _Ever_? I'm not worth that kind of thing. I'm not worth anything.

"Are you sure? I have food if you want some…and I could always put more wood on the fire or maybe get you another blanket. Umm…you look tired. Are you sure you don't want me to leave you alone or call someone-"

"No."

"Wait, you don't want me to call anyone? Like your parents? I'm sure they're worried about you. How old are you anyway? What were you doing out so late and…are you sure you don't want me to call anyone?" He's confused, frantic even. I can understand why. I don't look a day older than sixteen, even though I'm actually three years older; I've always looked young. And, of course, this person is probably normal. He probably has a huge family and friends that would be worried sick about him. But me…I'm not that person.

"No, don't call anyone. I'm nineteen; I can take care of myself." I've been taking care of myself for fucking _years_. When my parents went out partying. When my boyfriend tried to beat the shit out of me. I _can _take care of _myself_. I don't need anyone else's help. I've never _needed _it. And, this, this _person_ didn't need to help. He could have just left me wherever I was; he could've just let me freeze to death outside in the fucking rain. Except, he didn't. For some reason, he didn't leave me out in the rain; he brought me home with him. I've never met anyone so…so unusual.

"Oh, umm, okay then. You can stay here as long as you want to then. Just tell me if you need anything and I'll bring it to you." Kind. He's so kind. He has to want something in return. Everyone does. "I'm Demyx Myde, by the way."

"Ienzo. Zexion Ienzo."

He smiles, showing all of his pearly whites. This person, this Demyx…

…he's not normal_._

**And, so ends chapter one. I was hoping to make it seem a little less formal, but that just didn't seem to happen. **

**Please review! I'll give you a cookie!**


	3. Maybe

**And, we have another chapter~ Not much to say about this, except that Demyx gets off topic a lot, but I'll explain now that that was _on purpose_. I did that in this chapter to sort of dig a little bit deeper into Demyx's way of thinking. Of course, it could have completely backfired, but, eh, I'll let you- the reader- decide that. **

**Thanks everyone who reviewed! ^-^**

**Without further ado, enjoy~**

((Zexion))

"Umm…are you sure you're not hungry?" I shake my head 'no' for what feels like the hundredth time. No, I am not hungry. No, I do not want anything. No, I don't need a bath. No, I'm not mad at you for changing my clothes. No, I won't tell you why I was outside at such an ungodly hour. No. Just no. why can't he understand that I don't _need _his help? Why can't he be just like everyone else and treat me like I'm nothing, like I'm worthless? Why can't he be like them? Why did I end up being rescued by the one and only person in this vindictive world that actually _cares_? Am I honestly that unlucky?

Ah, but of course I am.

"Oh, okay then. I mean, I'm just asking because you don't look like you eat enough and you're so _thin _and everything. I know I shouldn't be worried and this is really none of my business and- Am I bothering you?" I feel the corners of my mouth twitch, but not by enough for him to notice. He babbles. I don't know why that makes me want to smile but it does. I know that that constitutes as me making fun of him but… but, he _babbles_. He babbles when I don't want anything; it's like he wants me to _want _something. It's such a strange thing…it's as if he has a heart of gold hidden underneath that thin shirt of his. Wait…

"It's fine. Aren't you cold?" He looks at me funny for a moment. Did I say something wrong? Maybe he doesn't like answering questions; maybe I shouldn't haveasked. Maybe this is my problem. Maybe I'm too inquisitive. Maybe…maybe I shouldn't pry. Maybe I should be more couthe. Maybe…maybe I should stop second-guessing myself every chance I can.

He smiles, those eyes of his smiling along, so maybe I didn't do anything wrong this time. "Oh, no, not at all. It's actually pretty warm in here; are you cold? Do you want another blanket?" I curl up a little tighter in the fuzzy blue blanket that I woke up under. He isn't the weird one; I am. I _always _am. He isn't cold; I shouldn't be…but I am. Doesn't that make me wrong?

"No." He sighs, like he's exhausted, tired. Not 'sleepy' tired, but 'I'm tired of dealing with you' tired. It doesn't surprise me. For some reason, people are always tired of dealing with me. I guess that just means that there's something wrong with me. There must be.

"But you just said- uh, never mind." He gnaws on his bottom lip. It's a cute habit…I do that sometimes. Huh, I suppose that me and this normal babbler have something in common: we both bite our lips when we're nervous. No, wait, that's awful, isn't it? That means that I make him nervous…but, he _lives _here. I shouldn't make him nervous in his own home, not with him going out of his way to be nice to me. Damn, why do I keep doing this? Even when I don't mean to, I'm still doing something wrong. But, _what_? What does he want from me? Nothing that the usual person would…maybe he wants me to…want something…?

"Do you have any soup?" He lights up before the words have even completely left my mouth. His eyes shine and a smile creeps over his face. He looks…like a child that has just been given exactly what they wanted for Christmas. But…he's not a child. I can tell from his voice. Not because it's too old to be a child's, but because it's too laced with…empathy. And, children, children don't understand empathy. They _have _no empathy.

"No, but I'll make some! What kind do you want?" He's ecstatic, but…why? Why is he so ecstatic?

"I don't care; vegetable maybe?"

"Okay!" He jumps up off the couch and smiles down at me, me watching him through a carefully placed curtain of hair. "You get some rest and I'll make you some!" And, he's gone, having sprinted into the kitchen, that mangled hair of his zipping around the corner. He was smiling…I made him happy. I made him happy by wanting something. I, _me_, _I _was the one that made him smile. I did that. I feel the corners of my mouth twitch again. Maybe…maybe making him happy, making him _smile_, makes me happy too. I haven't been happy in such a long time…I've always just _thought _that I was happy. Maybe that's what I'm doing now. Maybe I just _think _that I'm happy and I'm really not. Huh, that would be something, a happiness that means nothing, a happiness caused by a miscalculation of the heart.

That must be all that this is; I can't really be feeling this.

Trying to keep a newly forming headache at bay, I curl into the covers, my cobalt eyes shutting as soon as my head hit's the pillow that the strange blond so thoughtfully provided. Ha, _thoughtful_, what a…misconception.

((Demyx))

He wants something! He actually _wants _something! Well, okay, maybe he doesn't actually want anything, but he at least _asked _for it; that's something, right? Right. It has to be something. And, even if it doesn't mean anything, I should at least _try _to please him…I think I should anyway.

Smiling, I put some water on to boil, slowly beginning to cut up one vegetable after another. I wonder why he didn't want anything. All he ever really said was "I'm fine" or "No". Really, what kind of person doesn't want anything at all after they've been through hell…at least, I think he has; why else would he have been passed out and covered in so many cuts? That's the only explanation, right? Right. But, really, that's not even the point. I just…want to know why he didn't want anything. Everyone else that I've let into my home has wanted something, _anything _that I was willing to give them. Why isn't he like the rest of them? Why doesn't he say "I want" or "Give me this, give me that"? Maybe…

Maybe he really won't hurt me like all the others have.

I mean, he's different in every other way; why not in that way too? I know I'm probably just getting ahead of myself, but I just can't see any ill intentions in those pretty deep blue eyes of his. I could be wrong; I know I could. I've never been any good at reading people. It's not like he should be any different, but Zexion, _Zexion _just _screams _'different from all the rest'. It's like it's plastered on his forehead…well, no, maybe on his visible cheek…it doesn't matter. All that matters is that it's there, and that's all that counts, isn't it? It has to be, just like the 'thought's all that counts' when you give somebody a present, no matter what it is. I guess that applies here too…or, maybe it doesn't. I've been called an idiot hundreds of times, so this shouldn't be any different. It's just that…

Maybe I want it to be different.

Maybe I want _him _to be different from everyone else. Maybe I want him to _care _that _I _care and not just use me. Maybe I want him to be so different that I want him to _stay_ around, and not because that's just the way I am. Maybe I want him to be the person that _makes_ Axel stop worrying about me and my 'bring you home with me' tendencies. Maybe that's it.

Or, maybe I'm asking for too much.

Does thinking these things make me selfish? They must. I don't even know this Zexion Ienzo, yet here I am thinking that he'll be the one that helps change my life. I doubt he's thinking such things about me. He's probably thinking, "Who is this blond? How _old _is this blond? He's such a _child_." Actually, I don't think I can even pretend that Zexion's thinking that about me…he just doesn't seem like the type. I could be wrong though; he could be the type to talk about people behind their backs or the kind that lies. Maybe he lied about his age; he sure as hell doesn't _look _nineteen.

And, here I am thinking bad things about him. What's wrong with me? Even if he is the type, I shouldn't think such things. At least, not until I know for sure. I shouldn't even think them then…mom always said "If it's not nice, don't say it, don't think it, don't even _acknowledge_ it. Just pretend that's it's not even there." Didn't I used to always listen to mom?

Shaking my head, I look over a Zexion from around the corner. All curled up like that, he looks like an embryo, like the ones people see in their Biology classes. He's just like one of those, only…he's already hatched from his egg. I think I read somewhere that people that sleep like that aren't comfortable in their own skins…maybe he's one of those people.

_____

"It's hot." He snakes his tongue out like a cat and licks the top of the container. I nearly laugh, but I don't, because it's not nice to laugh at people, even though I'm not actually laughing _at _him, just about him…wait, that even sounded wrong to me. I'd laugh because it looks so much like a cat and I already thought that he looked like a cat…that's better; I think. But, really, his tongue really does look like a cat's: thin, little, and lithe.

He makes a face when the tip of his tongue touches the broth, scrunching his nose up a little, like a rabbit. So, he's like a cat-rabbit. Now, that would look rather strange: a normal looking cat with bunny ears, a cottontail, and a twitchy pink nose. I laugh a little at that and he quirks one of his eyebrows at me. Whoops, what if he thinks I'm laughing at him?

"What's so funny?" He doesn't say it crossly; he just says it, like he genuinely wants to know.

"You're a cat-rabbit; a rat. Actually, no, that's something totally different. You're a cabbit, or maybe a rabbat, or…a cat mixed with a rabbit anyway." If it's even possible, his eyebrow goes up a bit higher, his hands wrapped around the soup cup. "You're nose scrunches up like a bunny and you test things with your tongue." I must sound like an idiot. Actually, I know I sound like an idiot. A cat-rabbit, really?

I hear a slight intake of breath and then another and another, one of his hands leaving the cup and covering his lips. He's laughing. He's actually _laughing_. Maybe he's laughing at me, but he's _laughing_. And, you have to be happy to laugh, so he must at least be a little bitty bit happy. Just a little bitty bit.

"I can-_breath_- I've never once-_breath_- heard anyone say that." His hand leaves his mouth slowly, a tiny smile staying there for just a few seconds once he finally stops laughing. I can't help but feel that I've just seen something special, something rare. I don't know why; I just do.

I watch him eat for a while, that little pink tongue of his snaking out every once in a while. He eats…eloquently, for lack of a better word. Axel, Roxas, and I, we're pretty messy eaters- finger foods are the best is our policy, but I doubt Zexion's ever even _had _finger foods. Okay, he probably has, but he's probably one of those weird people that eat them with a fork or something. Or, maybe he can eat without getting anything on his fingers, while eating with his fingers. No…actually, that would make him magical and that's not even possible….at least, I'm pretty sure that it's not.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Huh?" When did he even finish eating? I look down. He hasn't even finished half of the cup yet; wait…what did he just ask? He must have seen the confused expression on ym face, because he said it again.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No! Of course not!" Okay, maybe that came out a little louder than I'd wanted it to, a little louder than he was expecting, his hands tightening around his mug. But, I really don't want him to leave. I've said it before and I'll say it again… "You can stay here for as long as you want."

He nods. "Okay."

And, maybe, maybe he'll stick around for a little while longer.

**Like I said, not a lot to say about this. I'm writing the whole story free-handed on the computer, so I really have no idea what I'm writing at this point. Maybe I'll try to make something happen in the next chapter~**

**Please review!**


	4. Red

**And, so we have another chapter~ Wooh~ Not a lot to say really, except that it took me a little while because I was trying to finish one of my stories on deviantart. **

**Anyway, thanks to those of you who reviewed. Much love and an imaginary cookie for you~**

* * *

((Demyx))

"You'll be okay in here, won't you?" He nods slowly, only his head visible above the blanket he has wrapped around himself, trailing along the ground. I wonder why he won't just let me go and get him another blanket. He has to be cold, even though he says he isn't. Why else would he be wrapped up like that?

"I'll be fine." I sigh inwardly. He'll be fine; he keeps saying that. I wish he would just tell me that he wants something…I mean, he did eat the soup that he asked for, but he hasn't wanted anything else since then. It's been two days already since I found him and I don't know next to nothing about him. He's nineteen. He doesn't want me to call anyone. And, it seems like he has nowhere to go…Why can't he just trust me a little bit? I must sound so selfish…it's his business what he tells me and what he doesn't. It's not my place to pry, but, still, I _want _to know more about him. It's like I _need _to know more.

"Oh, umm, alright then. I'll be at the end of the hall if you need anything. If I'm asleep, you can wake me up; I'm a light sleeper so it shouldn't be too hard. And…yeah. You know where the bathroom is and you can help yourself to the kitchen and the phone if you change your mind about wanting to call someone." Zexion nods again, shuffling past me and crawling onto the guest bed that I set up for him.

"I'll be fine, Demyx." I bite my lower lip, watching him curl up underneath the blankets, including the one he's already had, and turn away from me.

"Umm, okay. Good-night then." He doesn't say anything back to me, not that I had expected him to. He doesn't really talk to me unless he wants to. That's fine. It's not like I'm going to force him to talk to me or anything. But, he just…seems so lonely.

_____

"Really, Axel, everything's fine." I happily say into the phone's microphone, my voice hush-hushed as I continue to secretly stare around the corner that leads to my living room. I can hear Axel practically growl on the other side of the line.

"If everything's just _fine_, then why are you whispering?!" I sigh. Why can't he just listen to me and take my word for it when I say that everything's okay? We're not little kids anymore; he doesn't have to protect me.

"Because he'll wake up." Axel doesn't say anything for a while. It's like his side of the line has gone completely dead. He's probably angry at me again, but what does he want me to do? I can't change who I am, even if he thinks it would be for the better. Zexion's sleeping on the couch, curled up like an embryo again and…I just don't want him to wake up. I know he's tired. I was up all night last night listening to him toss and turn just down the hall. He needs his sleep; I shouldn't carelessly take it away by talking too loud. That wouldn't be right, not when I want him to want to stay here.

If that's even what I really want.

"Fine, then. I'll see you in an hour." An hour…he'll see me in an hour. He'll see me in an hour…

"Wait, why? Axel, really, everything's _okay_. You don't have to come down here or anything. We'll be fine. I'll be fine. And, he's actua-"

"Can it, Dem. I'll be there in an hour to see how fine everything is _for myself_. You remember what happened the last time you said everything was fuckin' _peachy_, don't you?" I wince, pulling the phone away from my ear. Yes, of course I remember what happened last time. Last time I'd brought a drug addict home. I didn't know it. The girl just looked so sweet. How was I supposed to know that Selphie was really a drug addict? How was I supposed to know that she would turn my house into a hot spot for dealers? How was I supposed to know that I would end up arrested, with no one to turn to but Axel? How was I supposed to know any of that?

"That's not fair, Axel. You know I wouldn't have let any of that happen if I had known about it. I would've-"

"You would've gotten another job to go with the one you've already got and tried to put the girl through rehab, even though you didn't know her. Yeah, Dem, I _know_." I bite my bottom lip, nibbling on it just a bit. Well, when he puts it like _that _it doesn't sound very good, but what else could I have done? I wouldn't have just left her like that. I hear a sigh followed by a click and a puff of air. I know that sound; he just lit a cigarette. I know it. "Listen, I'll be there in an hour and then I'll check things out for myself. Okay?"

"Yeah, fine, just…try to be quiet, okay?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever you say, Dem. I'll see you soon, bye."

"Bye." Sighing, I put the phone back on its cradle. I know he's just worried about me, but couldn't he at least trust me enough to let me make my own mistakes? I mean, sure, things haven't always gone so great and my judgment of people has always been a little off, but that doesn't mean he has to keep picking up after me all the time. Feeling slightly drained, I plop down on the living room floor, my oceanic eyes watching the only interesting thing in the room.

_Zexion. _

All curled up like an embryo, only one side of his face and a mop of slate hair visible from beneath the blanket, he doesn't look like he could cause me any harm, like he could do anything to me. He just looks…like a child. Like a tired, lonely child.

((Zexion))

"Please, Axel, just be quiet. He's sleeping. _Please_."

"Dem, I came here to talk, not to watch him sleep again."

"_Please_…" I groan a little, sinking farther into the covers. I feel like I'm underwater, listening to distorted voices, my lungs struggling for air, my ears struggling to hear just a bit more. I know Demyx is talking. I know his voice: peppy, bubbly, concerned. I've heard enough for the last two days. I don't know the other one at all. It's gruffer, less controlled…less sympathetic. That's fine. I'm not here for sympathies or anything at all really. I'm only here because there's nowhere else for me to go, because nobody wants me. Not that I can really blame them. Hell, I don't even want me.

"Okay, wake up." My entire body tenses as the blanket is ripped away from me. A small whimper passes my lips as I try to curl up a little more. Cold, why is everything always so damn _cold_?

"Axel! Why did you do that?!" Sluggishly, I sit up, wrapping my arms around my legs and pulling them to my chest as firmly as I can. It's cold…so, so cold everywhere. I watch through one eye as the one named Axel battles off what looks to be a furious Demyx. He looks so very strange. His hair is just a shade too red, just a bit too long. His body just isn't the right size to be human…too tall, too skinny. And, those _eyes_. Is it even possible for human beings to have _acid _green eyes? Apparently, it is.

"Hey, I want have a little chat with you." The redhead finally says once he has Demyx under control, his arms firmly wrapped around the blond's waist, a glare set on his face, even though it looks a bit too childish on someone like him to be very intimidating.

"That's fine."

"Yeah, okay, whatever. Tell me something, you into any 'candy'?"

"Axel!" Demyx struggles against him, while Axel just smirks. They look like two…brothers. Of course, brothers who just so happen to look absolutely nothing alike, but…

"What do you mean by 'candy'?" My head cocks to the side, my entire face visible for only an instant. One fleeting instant. They both look at me like I've lost my mind. Maybe I have, maybe I haven't. I wouldn't really know.

"Like drugs? Heroine? LSD? The works?" I scrunch my nose up at the possibilities, causing him to laugh. Humph, I'm not trying to be funny.

"That stuff is disgusting."

"That it is. Ever killed anyone?" Demyx practically hides his face in his hands. Killed anyone…why on earth would he ask me something like that? Do I look like a murderer?

"No."

"Good. How about-"

"Axel, leave him alone. Hasn't he passed enough of your stupid test?" Demyx cuts him off, strange eyes narrowed. He's…mad. I've never seen him mad. It doesn't suit him, not at all.

"Test…?" He's testing me…he's just like everyone else. Everyone else who's wanted something from me… He must be, why else would he test me?

"But, of course, Dem-Dem over here could've let a serial killer in without even realizing it. Of course, you could just be lying, but it's just a formality, if you will." I nod, like that makes complete sense, even though really, to me, it makes none at all. Why would someone even ask me questions like that if I could be lying to them? Why wouldn't they just kick me out and keep themselves safe from me? Wouldn't that just be easier than forcing themselves to put up with me? Wouldn't that just make more sense?

"Axel, I think I would have figured out if he was a serial killer by now! I'm not _that _bad at reading people!" Axel doesn't say anything; he just smirks, slowly letting Demyx go. The blond just sighs, taking a seat beside me on the couch, looking at me apologetically. No…he can't be looking at me like that. I must be misinterpreting. No one ever apologizes to me. No one ever cares for me. No one ever…they just don't…why is he so damn _confusing_? If he were anyone else, anyone normal, he would've gotten rid of me by now. He wouldn't have brought me here at all. I would've _died_ three nights ago out in the fucking rain. I wouldn't have to worry about these types of things. I would have never met anyone who…actually seemed to care about me. Who made me think that maybe I hadn't really wanted to die in the first place. That maybe I've been completely wrong about everything. That maybe I just had the wrong parents, the wrong friends, the wrong relationships. That maybe, just maybe I'm not really the one who's wrong. If he wouldn't have found me, _none of this would be happening! I wouldn't even be here!_

"Hey, emo, you okay over there?" I blink, looking up at Axel, his form standing right over me. He smiled cockily, like that was the only way he knew how to be, but it wasn't a bad kind of cocky. Not like my old boyfriends, but sweeter in a way. "Whoa, zoned much? I asked if you were okay." Slowly, I nod, even though I have no idea why he would wonder if I'm okay or not. I'm not his problem. I'm not his concern. Why should he care? Really, he shouldn't. It just doesn't make any sense to me. "Okay, since you answered my questions, how about you ask me any question you like?"

I only get one question, even though there are millions buzzing around in my head. Why do you and Demyx sound like you care about me? Do you know why Demyx brought me home, for there must have been a reason? What do the two of you want from me? In the end, I settled on the one I wanted to know the most.

"Is that your real hair color?"

**And, so we have Axel~ ^-^**

**Please review!**


	5. Missing

((Zexion))

How could I be so _stupid_? I should've known better than to ask something so…personal. It's none of my business. I'm not his friend. I'm not even his acquaintance. He said that I could ask any question, but I should've known better. I should've known that he meant something about…I don't even know. Just not that. No, never something like that. That was just too personal…I'm not supposed to pry like that. Maybe, maybe if I would've asked something different, something less delicate they wouldn't be looking at me like that. They wouldn't be looking at me like I've lost my mind, oceanic orbs and acid gems becoming twins.

There really must be something wrong with me.

No one else would've been so blunt as to ask something like that. No one that I know, anyway. Especially not in the way that I did. They wouldn't just come right out and say it. No…they'd beat around the brush until they'd gotten their point across. Maybe that's what's wrong with me…I'm lacking tact. Yes, I must've been born without it. Something must be wrong with my brain that makes me so blunt, so honest. I should just apologize and…leave. I should leave. Demyx won't want someone like me invading his home.

"I'm sor-"

Wait.

Is that _laughter_?!

Hesitantly, I pull my bangs away from my face, just for a clearer view, just for an instant. Yes…they are laughing. Both Axel and Demyx are sprawled out, clutching their chests, eyes filled with tears. Laughing…they're laughing. I wasn't trying to be funny…unless…they must be laughing at me. Of course, I can understand why; I'm skinny, short, pale, blunt, my hairs fucking _purple_. Why wouldn't they laugh at someone like me? I've been laughed at before, that's fine…I just…don't like it.

Once again, I hide behind my bangs, curling into myself, my knees touching my chin. Why does this hurt so fucking much? I've been hurt before, laughed at before. I should be used to it by now, even immune to it. I'm not though. Every time it hurts me that much more. It's like a razorblade sliding against my skin. Maybe that's why I'll never take one to my own skin; everyone else has already done it for me on the inside, where it really counts.

"You know somethin', emo?" I look up slowly, my cobalt eyes watching Axel's grin grow from ear to ear. He's rubbing his hand over his eyes to wipe away his tear marks. I don't know if I want to know whatever it is that I should know. "You're alright." I feel a warm hand ruffle my hair, causing me to shrink away. He pulls back instantly, watching me with those too-green eyes of his. I can practically see the questions running through his mind. _"Why'd he do that? Is there something wrong?" _I…I don't want to answer those questions. I don't want to tell either of them about my abusive boyfriends or my couldn't-care-less parents.

Amazingly, he doesn't ask.

"You wouldn't believe how many people have asked me that." Green eyes crinkle at the corners, a Cheshire cat smile playing on Axel's lips. "I'll give it to you, though; no one has ever come right out and said it. And, yes, my hair is really this red." He reaches out to ruffle my hair again, and this time I don't pull away, my muscles only stiffen for a split second. He doesn't notice it though, so it's all right. I'm safe…for now. No questions, no explanations. For right now…I'm okay.

"See Axel, I _told _you that everything was fine." Demyx stuck his tongue out, causing Axel to roll his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Dem."

"Admit it, I was right this time. Isn't that right, Zexy?" Demyx slings his arm around me and pulls me closer, my forehead touching his chest before I even have the time to blink. My body tenses, but the blond doesn't notice, his attention set solely on making Axel admit that he was wrong. But, wrong about what? Wrong about me? Yes, he must've made an assumption before we even met. That's only the nature thing for him to do, right? People always do that, not just him. There's nothing for me to worry about.

"Zexy?"

"Well, yeah, I mean, that has to be better than calling him 'emo' all the time, doesn't it?" Emo…Zexy…they're calling me by nicknames now? When did that happen? How could I have missed something like that?

"Yeah, well, it's not like you ever told me his name or anything." Demyx sighs, pulling away from me just enough to lean forward and fix Axel with an…extreme pout.

"You talked to him _first_, so you have to introduce yourself. It's common courtesy." Axel rolls his eyes again, flicking Demyx on the nose with one of his long skinny fingers. Surprisingly, Demyx doesn't even budge, the pout still set firmly on his face. "Fine, fine, fine. Hello, I'm Axel Lea, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance~" The redhead chimed in a slight British accent, holding his hand out to me to shake. I stare at it for a moment before I allow myself to grasp and shake it, his warm hand swallowing my tiny, pale one.

"Ienzo. Zexion Ienzo."

"Happy now, Dem?" Axel questioned, pulling away and leaning back in one of Demyx's comfortable chairs.

"Yep!" The blond smiles, smiles in a way that I'll never be able to. I lean back as well, curling my feet up by my chin and hiding behind my hair. This…this is nice. I didn't do anything wrong this time. I didn't offend anyone. I didn't have to explain myself or pretend that I was someone else. They haven't asked about my past. They haven't tried to pry. They're…different. The redhead might have judged me before he met me, but that's just because I was getting close to Demyx. At least, that's what I think anyway. Not that my thoughts are ever right, but…this time I think that they are.

I don't think they're like everyone else.

((Demyx))

"Are you sure you don't want me to cal a cab? I could even call Cid to come and get you." I practically begged, but Axel just shook his head "No" and left, a cigarette dangling from his lips. I sigh, retreating inside. Why does he have to be so stubborn? I know he's trying to break me from my help-everyone habit, but…that doesn't mean he has to freeze. Well, it might to prove his point, but…that's not the point! The point is that…I don't know what the point is anymore. Oh mighty moogles, when did everything get so confusing? It wasn't that long ago that everything was simple…I brought people home with me, Axel pretended to turn the blind eye, all I ever had to worry about was getting to class on time, my parents were still around, willing to pick my ass off the floor when need be. What ever happened to that? Why can't I go back to that?

"Demyx…?" I jump, turning around so fast that I must've gotten whiplash. Zexion cocks his head to the side, revealing a little bit of both sides of his face, looking at with what can only be described as confusion. That same fuzzy blue blanket is wrapped tightly around him, keeping him warm. I wonder why he doesn't just admit that he's cold already. It's not like I'll think any worse of him if he does, not that he would think that. No one is that emotionally starved, are they?

I flash him a quick smile, because I know that's what he expects. I'm still Demyx, aren't I? Smiling is just…what I do. "Oh, sorry…did you want anything? You must be hungry; I could make you some more soup? Or, maybe a sandwich?" I watch him slowly shake his head, still looking at me like I've lost my mind. "Umm, okay, so…what do you want to do then?"

"I don't know." Well, that's just loads of help, isn't it? No, not really.

"Alright then, how about we just watch some TV?" He nods and slowly shuffles away from me, that stupid blanket trailing along behind him. He looks so cute all wrapped up and curled into himself on the extreme edge of the couch, the majority of his face hidden from view as I turn on the TV and take a seat beside him. I can't help but watch him out of the corner of my eye as he watches whatever show my TV has been set on. I just have so many questions for him…

Why?

Why was he outside after the rain, in the dead of night, his body covered in scratches? Why won't he let me call anyone? Why doesn't he _have _anyone? Why does he refuse to let me help him? Why can't he trust me? Why does he tense up when I get too close? Why does he sleep like an embryo and talk like he used to live in a book of manners? Why does he always look so lonely, so fucking sad? Why does he hide his face? Why does he always give off the air that just begs for someone to help, to save him, even though he refuses to _be saved_?

Just…why?

I just want to know why.

Of course, it wouldn't be right for me to pester him about any of that. So what if I brought him in and offered him a sanctuary? That doesn't give me the right to pry into his life, to force answers out of him. It's not my place to wonder about any of it either, but I can't seem to help it. I can't help but wonder and want to pry. I can't help but _hope_. Hope that he isn't this distant with everyone. Hope that there are simple answers to everything. Hope that there really isn't any reason for me to be worried. Hope that I'm just overreacting like the gullible idiot I am.

Of course, I've learned the hard way that hoping something doesn't make it actually _happen_.

"You're staring at me."

I jump with a start, watching Zexion head on this time without trying to hide myself behind coy glances. He doesn't look any different than he normally does: he still bares that near-indifferent expression, visible eye slightly narrowed, making him seem much more curious than his voice betrays. It's like he doesn't even care that he caught me doing something that I really shouldn't have been doing. It's like…he expects it. "Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I was just wondering if you wanted me to get you another blanket." A little white lie never hurt anyone, right?

He just shakes his head and turns back to the TV screen, watching come news bulletin. It's probably just the same thing that comes on every day. Nothing to wor- wait, is that Zexion? On the screen, there is a picture of a slightly younger Zexion, his hair pulled back away from his face and a stack of books held protectively over his chest. But, why would Zexion be on TV?

"We are sorry to say that the missing University of Hallow Bastion student, Zexion Ienzo, has not been found. The police department has recently found an eyewitness that places him at the park three nights ago during the storm. No further news has been reported. If you have seen this young man, please call the ho-"

_Missing_…Zexion is missing.

But, how? He's right here…

I can't stop myself from turning to face him, the current mystery of my life, the current person I brought home with me, the person who is _currently missing. _And, it must sound strange, but the look on Zexion's face was pure shock, cobalt eyes wide with something akin to fear, muscles tensed tighter than any bow I've ever seen.

It's like…he didn't even know that he was missing.

**Oh, my! Has the plot finally gotten somewhere? You tell me...I'm just writing whatever comes to mind. ^-^**

**Please review~**


	6. Lost

**Author's note at the bottom of this one~**

**And, a thanks to those who reviewed the earlier chapters!**

((Demyx))

I honestly don't know what to do. I could call the cops and tell them that Zexion's safe, to call off the search, but I can't make myself move. And, Zexion…Zexion doesn't even look like he _can _move. I've seen him hurt before, right after he woke up, and I've seen him confused and cold and indifferent, but this…this doesn't look like Zexion. This looks dead. Dead to the world. Dead to emotions, to feelings. This…can't be Zexion.

"Zexion?" I finally choke out. He doesn't even acknowledge that I said anything. He's…wait. I know that look on his face. It's the same one that I had after I found out about my parents. It's the look that everyone has to have at least once. The one that scares us the most. It's lost. The look on his face is lost. He's not confused, but he doesn't understand. He knows what he should do, but he can't. He's completely and utterly lost. "Zexion?" I try again, this time reaching out to tap his shoulder. He jumps away, finally breaking out of his trance, eyes trained on me, looking so vulnerable, so insecure.

I think he needs help.

After my parents died, I was completely lost, and I would've fallen apart if I hadn't had Axel there to pick me up off the floor. And, I think that's what Zexion needs: that person to pick him up off the floor and get him going again.

It wouldn't be asking very much for me to be that person, would it?

"Zexion, listen, I think we need to call the police, okay?" He just nods, looking away from me to stare at his feet. I guess he wants me to do the talking. That's fine. I can do that for him.

Carefully, I find the Hollow Bastion phone book and find the number for the police department. This shouldn't be so hard, right? I just have to tell them the truth. They can't charge me for that, can they? Zexion won't let them charge me for that…he wouldn't, would he? Oh moogles, I hope not. Before I can chicken out, because let's face it police works are scary, I dial the number. Breathe in, breathe out, repeat. There's no turning back now.

"Hello, you have reached the Hollow Bastion Police Department, how may I help you?" A pleasant, feminine voice asked.

I take a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "Hello, my name is Demyx Myde and I have….information on Zexion Ienzo." I hear a gasp on the other side of the line.

"Yes, yes. What do you know? Have you seen him?"

"Umm, yeah, well you see, he's sort of…at my house. I found him a few days ago and we just saw the report on TV. I mean, he said not to call anyone or anything and he looked like he was okay, just a little banged up and everything…he's fine, though. You can call off the search and-"

"The boy is with you right now?" She cut me off mid-ramble. Thank the mighty moogles; I can't keep my mouth shut to save my life, can I?

"Yes…he's on my couch." Oh, no, Demyx, that didn't sound a little bit creepy at all. What is wrong with me?

"Good, good, good. I'll call off the search immediately. The boy's parents have been worried sick about him. Could you arrange for him to be taken to Hollow Bastion's Community Hospital for a check-up this afternoon? It's just a procedure. Just to make sure he's all right. He is okay, isn't he? You'll also need to file a police report on how he got there as well. If you can't make arrangements, I could send a cruiser down to get you."

"Umm, no, that won't be needed. I can take him there." I chance a look at Zexion. He's looking at me like he's…actually a little scared. What could he be so scared of? He's going home, isn't he? Unless…he wouldn't be scared of his parents, would he?

"All right, thank you very much Mr…Myde. A police officer should be waiting for you at the entrance to the hospital." And, with that, I hear a click go off in my ear and I know that she's hung up. Dear moogles, what am I going to do?

Warily, I replace the phone on its hook and run a hand through my hair. How did everything get so messed up in my life? Life has never been perfect, but…when did this series of unfortunate events start? I glance back at Zexion once again.

Okay, maybe they haven't been completely unfortunate.

The only question now is what to do? My life may not be perfect, but something tells me that Zexion's is worse than mine is. That he needs more help than I do. And, maybe I can help myself by helping him. That would be a win-win, wouldn't it? Oh, moogles, I hope so.

"Zexion?" He flinches at his name, looking up at me with wide cobalt eyes. He just looks so terrified. Why on earth would he be so scared? "Umm, listen, I have to take you back to Hollow Bastion this afternoon. They're calling off the search for you. The lady on the phone said that your parents were worried about you. And-"

"I don't understand." His voice is crisp and clean, with no signs of shaking or stuttering, but I can tell. I _know _how scared he is under his protective front. I don't know how, but I do. "They've never cared about me before…why would now be any different? How could they be worried if they never gave a damn in the first place?" A little piece of me dies when he says that so calmly. I hardly even know him, but it cuts me down to my very core to hear him say something like that. It's like…he truly believes that no one cares about him, not just his parents.

"It'll be okay, Zexy. Everything'll be okay."

((Zexion))

Everything'll be okay…

Fro some reason, hearing that come out of Demyx's mouth calms me down, like it might actually be the truth this time. Like my life hasn't just hit rock bottom. What am I going to do? Demyx has to take me back to Hollow Bastion. What am I going to tell them? What am I going to tell my boyfriend? What…what's going to happen when I go back to school? What are they going to say? I never thought that anyone cared before…my parents never even pretended to give a damn. Why now? Why do they care _now_? I know I wasn't imagining the way they neglected me. I _know _I wasn't. Oh moogles, what am I going to do?

"You have to take me back, don't you?" He nods, slowly running his palm along the side of my face, brushing the hair out of my eyes. And, for once, I don't try to break away from him.

"Yeah, I do. They're expected me to drive you down to the Community Hospital. We'll have to leave soon." I bite my lower lip, watching his reaction. He looks…hurt. And, I-I don't can't understand why? Why would he be hurt? Shouldn't he be happy to get rid of me? Shouldn't he seize this chance, instead of act like it's the last thing he wanted in the entire world?

"Okay."

"I'll…go find you some clothes, okay? And, then we'll go and get something to eat and…I'll take you to the hospital. That's okay, right?" I laugh. I can't keep myself from laughing. Laughing hysterical laughter. And, I know he thinks I'm crazy. I know he does. Those oceanic eyes can't hide emotions, just as I can't read them.

"Don't you even want to know _why_?" I finally manage to get out. He watches me with those eyes of his. And, I don't know why, but I think he wants to reach out and touch me. Oh moogles, I wish he would…I wish he could help me. But, I already know that no one can help me…

"Only if you want to tell me." That's Demyx. That right there is Demyx. He sounds like he's treading on thin ice all the time, like he's scared to be a little mean. To be a little demanding. If I can see that.

"I think…I think that you deserve to know." He doesn't say anything; he just sits there, waiting patiently for me. And, that's okay, because I'll tell him. If he thinks less of me, even though I doubt he will, that's okay. I just…_want _to tell him. "My parents have never given a damn about me. _Ever_. Mom was always out partying and Dad…who knows where in the hell he was. Did you know that they didn't even make it to my high school graduation? I don't even know why was disappointed. They've never been to any of my school functions before. They always missed my birthdays too. Every single one. They don't even have any baby pictures of me. I swear, the earliest picture they have was the one I had to get for my ID card during freshman year. Who knows where the one on the news came from…" I wipe at y eyes, trying to fight off any tears that I know are threatening to fall. I just…don't want him to see me cry. That's all I want…that's not a lot to want, is it?

"Back in high school…I don't know what happened. I started dating some guys I knew. And, I've always known not to get mixed up with them; I always have. I don't know what in the hell happened to my fucking judgment. I don't know what happened…everything was fine one minute and then, I just couldn't say no anymore…I should've just gotten out when I had the chance. I should've started over in college. I should've…just gotten away, but I didn't. I didn't do anything.

"Do you remember the night you found me? It rained a lot up in Hollow Bastion and I thought that…maybe no one would notice if I disappeared. I didn't mean to live through it. I didn't mean for you to find me. I didn't mean for any of this to happen! _I didn't even mean to exist_!" I can't stop the pathetic tears anymore. I can't keep them from swelling over and running down my face. I can't…stop anything.

"Zexy? You…tried to kill yourself?" I nod, hiding my face in my palms. I'm such a wreck. I'm such a _fucking wreck. _And, he'll hate me now. I know he will. Who would ever want to be around someone as fucked-up as I am? Who would ever want to get near me after knowing what he knows? Who would ever…care about me?

I jerk with a start when I feel an arm worm its way around my waist and pull me close. "It'll be okay, you know? Life isn't perfect and a lot of bad things happen and we make really stupid mistakes sometimes, but you can always fix them, okay? You can always fix things. Just…don't die, okay? You can't fix death." Demyx whispers into my ear, his warm breath sending shivers up and down my icy spine.

"Okay…"

"Okay." He pulls away from me with a sad smile, a tiny tear track shining against his cheek. He sniffles a bit, just like a child plagued with a cold. I've never seen anyone look so sad, yet so happy. And…that's fine. As long as he doesn't hate me, everything will be fine, just like he said it would. I know it will be…because-because he's not like everyone else. He's not like the liars that haunt me or the boyfriends who've beat me. He's not like all those kids that used to torment me in school and he's not like my parents who've neglected me. He's not like anyone else because…because he's not anyone else. He's just Demyx_._

**And, so we have chapter 6! Whoot! ^-^**

**I tried to post it a bit early since the last one was a bit late. And, look, plot development galore! **

**Please review, they make me happy and fuel me to write the next chapter faster!**


	7. Right

**And, so we have another chapter. There's not a lot to say about this, just enjoy, I guess. **

**Oh, and thanks to everyone who's favorited, alerted, and reviewed this story!**

((Zexion))

I look like shit, for lack of a better description. My eyes don't look like they used to. They're dull and…worn out, a shade lighter than they should be with dark crescent moons under them, like I haven't been sleeping, even though I've been sleeping more than normal. My hair…looks like blue-ish pasta that just got strung through a meat grinder and thrown out to the dogs. And, moogles, my skin looks so pale, like I'm dead. It's like I actually succeeded in dying without really dying. I don't think I've looked this bad in years, not that I've ever really paid attention to my appearance.

"Are you ready yet, Zexy?" I jump at the sound of a voice on the other side of the door. The voice that I know belongs to Demyx. Demyx…the only person who's ever really acted like they cared about me. The only person that has ever really…tried to be there for me. But, in the end, it's all just acting and trying. I know he can't really care. No one can ever _really _care about me. I'm too worthless. Too unneeded. Too…_me. _There's too many things wrong with me for anyone to ever really care. That's fine though. Or, at least, it'll have to be. I told Demyx that I wouldn't die…I should stick to that. It's not like I won't fail again anyway; I'm so unlucky that every attempt I make will have to end in failure.

"Just a minute." I sigh one last time at the mirror before opening the bathroom door. I can't really help my appearance at this point anyway. Demyx looks…like Demyx. His hair is styled in that weird mull-hawk-thing and his face is…happy and bubbly and warm, if not a little bit tired. His clothes seem to be perfect on him, while they just look baggy on me, because, let's face it, I'm not at all tall and I don't even have the slightest amount of muscle anywhere.

"We've got about," he checks his ocean blue cell phone, "four hours. It's about a three-hour drive, so we'll probably have to eat in the car, so we can get you to the hospital on time. Is that okay?" I nod, even though I know I'm lying. I don't want to go to the hospital. I don't want to be checked out for anything. I don't want to leave this place, this safe haven, even if I know it's selfish of me to want to stay here. "Okie-dokey, then. Guess we should head out then." He flashes me that characteristic smile of his before hopping down the stairs, probably expecting me to follow. I can't suppress the shiver that runs down my spine.

I guess I really do have to leave.

___

"You eat like a bird." I tense. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Does he want me to eat more? I hear him laugh, letting me know that there really isn't anything I should worry about. I don't know why I worry about it in the first place. Lots of people eat like birds. Lots of people…aren't like me. They don't think about these things, because no _normal _person would _care _about these things.

"You eat like a person." He laughs a little harder at that. Humph, I wasn't trying to be funny. I turn back to my little to go plate, slowly spooning out some fried rice. I never knew rice could be so delicious. Maybe I should've gotten a little bit more…but I couldn't have. Demyx paid. I don't want to take advantage of him. He's too…nice. Too straightforward for me to do something like that. I'm already taking advantage of his kindness because I don't want to leave him…I don't want to take advantage of him in the same way others have done to me. I don't…want to hurt him like me.

Because, I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

____

I don't want to move…and I don't think Demyx does either. We had a nice, quiet ride. And, I know that I don't want to leave the safety of the car. I don't want to walk into that hospital. I don't want to have a bunch of doctors prodding at me. And, I don't want to deal with my parents, because I know something's wrong. I know they can't possibly be worried about me. They don't care about me…something _has _to be wrong.

"Do we really have to go in there?" My voice just sounds so broken, so lost, so _not _what it normally is. What happened to my protective front? What happened to my false indifferent attitude? What happened to _me? _I've never been so…see-through, so insecure sounding. I've…never let someone so close to me before. I've never let anyone _in_. I was just getting hurt all the time…so why? Why did I let Demyx in when I know he's just going to hurt me in the end? Why would I set myself up for heartbreak when I know what's coming? When did I get so _stupid_?

I see him bite his lip and, at first, it doesn't look like he's going to say anything, but he does. "Yeah…I wish we didn't. Hospitals always smell like disinfectants. I can just feel my nose burning every time I walk into one. It's kind of like going to the dentist. My teeth hurt just thinking about it. Do yours- I'm babbling again, aren't I?" He smiles sheepishly, but I can tell he's just as nervous as I am. I think he babbles when he gets nervous too. That would explain things. "Let's just…go in, okay?"

I nod, lying just like I did back at the house. Slowly, I unbuckle my seatbelt and step out of the car, feeling colder than I have in days. Demyx gets out of the driver's side, and I can just feel him smiling to cover up his nervousness on the back of my neck.

It's now or never, I guess.

((Demyx))

I've never liked hospitals. Never. Even before my parents died, I've always just sort of hated them. They smell bad, the color white is blinding (why can't they paint _something_?), and they're just too depressing. And, they're just a natural thing to hate, right? Right. Even though mom always said it wasn't nice to hate, I can hate a thing…she wouldn't get mad at me for that, I don't think so anyway. This hospital is probably the worst one I've ever been in though. It's just so _white_, even whiter than any other one I've seen. And, the way Zexion's…cowering behind me doesn't make it seem any better. He's just here for a check-up, right? The lady said it was routine, so it shouldn't be a big deal. He shouldn't look so scared. Or, maybe he's scared about having to see his parents again? He couldn't possibly want to see them after what he told me about them.

It's not really any of my business, though.

"Are you Demyx Myde?" I nod, gulping at the two cops standing in front of me. I stand corrected. Police workers aren't scary; they're _terrifying_. "And, you're Zexion, I presume?" The blond one says, a brunette positioned behind him. Zexion just nods and I feel him shrink back a little. It was so slight that it might not have even happened. My mind could just be playing tricks on me.

"Yes, that's me." No one would be able to tell he was scared from the way his voice sounds now. Out in my car, he sounded so…broken, but now he sounds like he just…doesn't care what happens. It's like he's given up on everything. I…I don't want him to sound like that.

"Good. Leon will take you to the doctor, and you, Demyx, will have to come with me." I nod, watching Zexion walk off with the brown-headed cop, Leon. He looks back at me for just one fleeting instant and those eyes are pleading for me to go with him. Pleading for me to make everything stop. And, I can't. I can't make this stop. I can't help him with this, even though I would do anything to make him happy. To make everything just go away.

I follow the blond cop down a long hallway until we end up in a little white room. He motions for me to sit in one of the two chairs, so I do. At first, he doesn't say anything. He just stares off into space like I'm not even here. After what seems like forever, he looks back at me, his arms folded in front of him, a scowl on his face. "So, tell me, Demyx, how did you come to find Ienzo."

"Um…well, you see, a few days ago I was walking home from my friend Axel's house, he's got really red hair and I think we were trying to fix his guitar because he keeps breaking it. He can't keep it fixed to save his life and-"

"Stick to the point."

I bite into my bottom lip. Why can't I just keep my mouth shut? "Oh, um, right. Well, anyway, I was walking home and I fell down by the river. I got my hair caught and I though- wait, you don't want to hear about that. Okay, well, I saw Zexion on one of the riverbanks and he was soaking wet and it was really cold. I couldn't just leave him there because well, you know what happens to people that get left out in the cold, right? They get all sick and-"

"Demyx." He growls, obviously impatient with my constant babbling. I smile sheepishly, scratching the back of my neck.

Something tells me it's going to be a long day.

____

I've never really been one for patience. Axel says it's a wonder that I passed school because I had to live through six hours every day for twelve years before I got to leave. And, he's right. It is a wonder. I've never liked staying in one place for a very long time and school was one of those places that I always hated, or disliked as mom said. Which makes me wonder why I'm even still here. I don't have to be here. Zexion might not even come back out. He might not even want to come back with me. He might want to stay here and be with his parents, but…I don't think that's the case. He just seems too scared of his parents to want to stay with them. And, he looked so frightened before.

The least I can do is wait for him.

As a just in case anyway. I mean, what he would think if I just left him here? He's been hurt before…I don't want to add on to the hurt. I don't want to be another person for him to add to the list. He trusts me, or at least I think he does. I don't want to break that. It just wouldn't be right of me to do something like that. I don't have the right to do that to him, to any other person. I want to be that person that Axel was for me.

I want him to be happy.

I want him to feel safe and secure. Doesn't everybody have the right to feel that way? Why not him too? And, I don't know if I'm overstepping my boundaries with him, because really, none of this is any of my business. I don't have the right to know about anything from his past. I don't have the right to worry about him either. But, I feel like I have to. I feel like I _need_ to.

There's nothing wrong with that, right?

"Can I come back with you?" I jump up, shaking off my thoughts. The first thing my eyes land on is Zexion. Zexion in all his pale perfection, looking so…broken down. I didn't even notice him walk up…. He looks even worse than he did when we came here. His eyes are red rimmed, his nose a little too red.

He's been crying.

All I can do is nod, trying my best to smile at him. And, even though I know it's none of my business and I don't have the right, I still want to know…

What happened to him?

**Moohaha! This is about as close to cliffhangers as I can get, and I love them! Can't you tell?**

**Reviews are loved! ^-^**


	8. Comfort

**I felt bad about ending the other chapter like I did, so I decided to hurry up with the next chapter. And, look! It's my longest one so far (totally an accident though). Enjoy~**

**Oh, and thanks to those of you who reviewed, alerted, and favorited. I love coming home to those in my mailbox. ^-^**

((Demyx))

He won't talk to me. He just sits all curled up on the couch like it's taking all he can do to keep from crying again. I know it's none of my business, but I can't help but wonder why he won't stop biting on his lower lip. Why he won't uncurl. Why he won't just talk to me. And, I know I shouldn't take it too seriously that he won't talk to me and that he won't let me in. But…I can't help it. He trusted me enough to want to come back with me, didn't he? He trusted me enough to let me listen to him cry all the way home, even though he tried to hide his sniffles in the shirt I let him borrow. He even trusted me enough to stop tensing up around me all the time.

So, why can't he trust me enough to tell me what happened?

I'm being selfish again, aren't I? My parents would be ashamed of me if they were still around. I'm always telling myself not to be selfish and I've always been able to fix things to where I wasn't being like that anymore, but with Zexion…with him, it's different. I can't stop myself from being just a teensy bit selfish. That doesn't give me the right to be like that though. It doesn't really give me the right to anything. Not to look inside Zexion's mind. Not to force things out of him. No, it's only fair if he decides to tell me.

I can't help but wish that he would tell me.

What is he so afraid of? Is he scared that I'll hurt him like his parents did? That he might hurt _me_? Maybe he just thinks I'm an idiot like everyone else. I just don't know. And that's nothing unusual because I _never _know things, but…it actually bothers me this time. Not knowing what he's thinking, what he wants, what he needs, it bothers me.

I just want him to tell me, to trust me. To _understand _me and at least try to let me understand him. But, that's asking for too much. I know it is. I'm just the guy that brought him home. He probably doesn't care about me at all. He's probably just using me so he can- I'm beginning to wonder if I ever actually listened to my mother. I mean, why would I think something like that? I know we're not exactly friends, but that doesn't mean that he's going to use me like everyone else has. He's…had it rough, I guess. Plus, didn't I want to be that person that picked him up off the floor? That actually helped him? I know I did and I still do. I just…want him to be okay, and if he has to use me a little bit for that, then it's fine. Axel won't be happy. He's never happy with things like that, but that's okay too. I wouldn't mind being used if it was to help somebody, anybody, and helping Zexion would be that much more rewarding because I really think he deserves that. That one person that will cares enough about him to let him know that he's not completely worthless, because I know that's what he must think, even though it's completely untrue.

Because no one is completely worthless.

What would make him think something like that anyway? He says his parents didn't care about him and that he made some stupid decisions back in high school, but it's just high school. Everyone doesn't _something _stupid in high school; that's just part of growing up. It's not like those mistakes follow you for the rest of your life. But, really, nothing he's told me would make him think that he's worthless. People make stupid mistakes and loots of parents don't give a damn about their kids, so why would he be that one person out of the million that have lived through those things that thinks of himself as nothing? There has to be something else to it. I know there is.

Now if only he would tell me.

____

"Zexy…? You need to eat." He doesn't say anything. He doesn't even pretend to acknowledge me. I should be angry, because I know he must hear me, even all curled up like he is, but I can't be. I can't be angry at someone when they're obviously hurting. That's just…not me. It will _never _be me.

"Come on, please? You have to be hungry…you probably don't want it or anything, but please eat? I made you some soup; vegetable, just like before? Please?" He still doesn't say anything, doesn't look up at me. I sigh. That's fine. He needs time, that's all. I can give him that. He deserves it anyway. And, maybe he'll come around and maybe he won't. I just…hope he does. On the news, they said he was a university student. I don't want him to lose it and not be able to go to school anymore. I don't want him to break because of this. But…

Even I know that wanting doesn't stop things from happening.

Maybe _I_ can stop it from happening.

"Umm, listen Zexion," slowly, I set aside the little bowl of soup I'd made and took a seat right beside Zexion, slinging my arm around his shoulders and leaning in so close that my mouth was right beside his ear, allowing me to whisper into it, "do you remember when I said that everything would be okay? Well, I wasn't lying…I know you probably think I was, but I really wasn't. Things…they're as okay as you make them. At least, that's what my mom used to tell me." I stop for just a second, hoping he will say something, but he doesn't. He doesn't even acknowledge me. But…that's okay, I can live with that. "No matter what happened with your parents, I'm sure things will be okay. You said you're nineteen, right? You're not in their custody anymore. You're safe from them, whatever it is that they did to you, okay?

"You're in school still, aren't you? Up at the University? Don't you want to go back to school? I'll…I'll go with you, if you want me to. You don't have to be alone…not if you don't want to. And, if you don't want to go back, you can stay here. The door's always open. I'm not going to kick you out. I'm not going to hit you. And, so help me, I will make you eat something one of these days." I feel him dip his head down just a bit further and I think I heard a little gasp, like he was trying not to laugh. And, for once, I don't think my ears are playing tricks on me. I think I might have really made him happier. Just a little bit, but a little bit all the same. And, that's good, isn't it? That's something.

"I'll leave you alone now, all right? I'll be up in my room. If you need anything, and I do mean anything, just come and get me. I won't get mad. Promise." I slide away from him ever so slowly, giving him enough time to pull me back. He doesn't, though. But, it's fine.

At least I can say I tried.

((Zexion))

I don't know why he pretends he cares about me. I don't know why he let me stay here. I don't know why I even asked him to let me come back. I don't know why I keep setting myself up fro heartbreak after heartbreak. I don't know why I thought that maybe my parents actually cared when I've known for years that they wouldn't even pay for me to go to the doctor, let alone care enough about me to organize a search. I don't know why I didn't just refuse the doctor's exam. I don't know why I even let Demyx take me back to that town. I just…_don't know why_.

I don't know why my life is so fucked up. I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to know. I do. But, every time I do anything, get close to someone, get my hopes up, even for just the tiniest things, I get hurt again and again. I can't stop myself from getting hurt, just like I couldn't stop myself from crying like some stupid _child _on the way back home. No, not home. Back here. To this place. This one little sanctuary I know I'm going to lose, because I lose everything.

I always lose everything.

And, for because I'm so wrong, so fucked up, I can't stop replaying the things that make me hurt the most over and over and over. I just…can't stop anything.

"_Zexion, won't you tell me where these scars came from?" Dr. Vexen asks. He tries to talk to me like we're old friends, but we're not. He doesn't know me. He's not a part of my life. He's just another person. another person who's going to hurt me. _

"_It's not really any of your business." He sighs shallowly, light blond hair falling in front of his face._

"_You're right about that." We're silent for a while, me just sitting there, him writing down little notes. "Well, I guess that's everything. You're completely clean." I see a little bit of hurt in his electric green eyes, and I know he doesn't want me to leave until I tell him about my scars. But, how do you tell someone it was your boyfriend? How do you tell someone like him, someone obviously successful, obviously not fucked up, that you've hurt yourself before? That you couldn't stop. You can't…or, at least, I can't. "Your parents are waiting outside in the hall." _

_Slowly, I jump down from the little examining table, pull my shirt down over my sickly pale skin, and walk out into the white hall. They're…just as I remembered them. _

_Mother is dressed to impressed, like she always is, her hair a shade lighter than my own pulled back into a loose bun with little strands falling in front of her face. To someone else, it probably looks like she just threw it up and those pieces fell, but I know it's not like that. I know she planned each and every strand and its placement. I know she spent hours trying to make it perfect. I know her. Father hasn't changed at all either, sharply clad in that freshly pressed business suit. His black hair is slicked back, revealing his shocking light blue eyes, not dark like mine. They don't smile at me as I walk up. They just size me up like meat of some kind, always looking down on me, and not just because I'm short. It feels…like they're trying to brand me with their eyes, trying to make me into their perfect child. But, I can't be something that I'm not, no matter how much I try. _

"_Hello." Is all I manage to choke out. Mother raises her eyebrows, stepping in front of Father, letting him know she's the one in charge. _

"_Pity." I wince. Pity, she says. Pity, what? That I'm alive? That I'm still around? "Next time you decide to disappear, just stay hidden. It would be for the best of all of us. Don't you think, honey?" Father agrees with her weakly, pathetic compared to my mother. _

"_..Why?" I don't know why I asked. I know she doesn't really care. I know this will lead to more hurt. To more heartbreak. _

"_The insurance money, darling. If you're found, we can't exactly collect, now can we?" She pets under my chin with her freshly manicured nails, a sickly smile spread across her face. Slowly, I shake my head. "Good boy. Now run along. I don't want to see your face." She slaps my cheek. She doesn't do it hard; she's not trying to hurt me. She's just…trying to get her point across. And, she does, because I leave without saying another word, my tears sliding down my face in light streams. I make sure she doesn't see them though; she'd never forgive me for crying. I don't run away. I just walk away slowly, because I know that's what she wants. _

_And, I can't stop myself from wanting comfort on the way down the elevator. I know I don't deserve it, but that's all I want. Just someone to comfort me. I want Demyx…but I know he's already left. He's already done his job. I'm not his problem. _

_I nearly laughed when I saw him waiting for me in the lobby._

I…want comfort now too. Just like I did then. Ha, I want something. I _want _something. How dare I want anything. I dare I be so selfish as to think I deserve anything. Demyx seems to think that I deserve to want things though. He must be lying, or not know who it is he's really talking to. If he knew how fucked up I was on the inside, he wouldn't think I deserved anything either.

"**If you need anything, and I do mean anything, just come and get me."**

Or, maybe he wouldn't. I never know with him. He's just so odd. So different. Maybe he actually thinks that I deserve things too deep down as well as on the surface. And, I…want comfort. It's the only thing that I really want.

Hesitantly uncurling, I stand up and make my way up the stairs and down the hall, stopping in the doorway to Demyx's room. He's just looking up at his light blue ceiling, looking at nothing the same way I do sometimes.

Maybe we aren't as different as I thought we were.

I tiptoe inside, nibbling on my bottom lip until it begins to bleed. Maybe he won't hate me for doing this.

Before I can stop myself, I crawl into bed with him, curling up at his side. He jumps at first, but he doesn't say anything. He just looks at me in a shocked silence, yet he doesn't turn me away. He doesn't kick me out. "Umm, Zexy, are you…?"

"Is it okay if I want comfort? Is it okay for me to want that?" I whisper into his side, my voice quivering pathetically.

"Yeah, Zexy, that's fine."

And, I don't have to look up to see the smile on his face.

**Just for clarification, I really don't hate Zexion, even though it sounds like I do. He's my favorite character, and, well, it's only right to hurt your favorite right? *is shot repeatedly* Yeah...**

**The next chapter should be up pretty soon. Reviews are loved!**


	9. Laughter

**I don't know about anyone else, but this updating all the time makes it a lot easier to remember what in the world I wrote down in the first place...That's just me though. ^-^**

**Thanks to all of you who've faved, alerted, and most of all reviewed! **

**Now, without further ado (it just occured to me I've been putting adu).**

((Zexion))

I'vealways been practical. I've always allowed logic to overrule my feelings. I've always been…a zombie. Yes, that's what I've been, an emotionless zombie that didn't know what to do with themselves. And now, now I'm just a fucked up person that doesn't know what to do with anything, let alone myself. People like me…we shouldn't be allowed to be around other people. I shouldn't be allowed other people. Not people like my old boyfriends who would do nothing but hurt me. Not people like Demyx would seem to genuinely want to help me. I shouldn't be around any of them. Either they or I will always end up hurt in the end. And, I…I don't want Demyx to get hurt. In the beginning, I didn't want to be around him because I didn't want him to hurt me, but…now, now I know that I'll hurt him. I'm just too wrong for someone like him. Too…different. I don't want to ruin his happiness, even though I must be already. He used to smile a lot. I know he did; he must have anyway. And, now he doesn't. He still smiles, but it's not as bright as it was before. It's like he's sad about something.

Sad about me.

I don't want to make him sad. I don't want to make him hate me. And, I don't want _him _to hate me. I don't think…I don't think I could take something like that. At least, not as I am now. But, even so…I can't make myself leave here. I can't make myself just leave him behind. I can't make myself return to my parents, my boyfriend. I just _can't _do it. Not when I'm…okay. Not when I'm nearly happy.

Not when it means leaving Demyx.

But, I shouldn't stay. I know I shouldn't. Because…because I still don't know what's wrong with me.

____

He sleeps differently then I do. He spreads out across the bed, wrapping his hands around the nearest thing he can find. At first, it was his pillow with the bubbles on it, but now it's me that he's pressing against his side, breathing his hot breath against. And I, I can't sleep. And, it's not that I'm not comfortable. And it's not because I don't feel safe. It's because I feel _wanted_. And, wanted is something that I've never felt before. I've never felt like someone wanted me around. I've felted needed before, but that's not the same. One can feel need someone like me for sex, for their frustrations. But, that doesn't mean that people like me are wanted. That I am wanted.

It doesn't mean anything.

Being wanted is completely different. It's…special, I guess. And, I may be wrong. I could just be misreading my feelings; it wouldn't be the first time. But, I don't think I am this time…I think I'm right for once. For just this once. And, that's not much to want, is it? Just to be right about someone one time? Just one little time?

I just want to be right.

I want to be wanted. I want to be...loved too. But, no one could ever love me. No one could ever have that many feelings for someone like me. No one, not even Demyx. So, I'm okay with want. Wanting isn't like loving, but it's the best I can ever hope for. And, I don't want to give it up. Not now, not ever.

"What are you doing?" I feel my body tense, my eyes open wide. How long has he been awake? How long has he been watching me watch him? Oh moogles, will he be angry at me for staring? Will he kick me out? Will-

"I'm sorry!" I blurt out before I can even finish my thoughts, bolting upright and out of his arms before he can even blink. I can feel my face heat up as his oceanic blue gems go wide, my bottom lip secured in between my teeth. I can stand him looking at me like that. He just looks so shocked, so confused. Did I do something else wrong? What's wrong with me? Why can't I do _anything _without it going wrong? Why-

"Hey, calm down." I feel my body tense as he puts his hands on my shoulders, those eyes just so, so wide. "Come on, just breathe." And, I realize that I'm not. I'm not breathing. Shaking, I take a breath, never taking my eyes off him. He doesn't say anything. He just watches me breathe, one warm hand rubbing my back in light circles.

"I'm sorry." I whisper to the sheets when I finally find my voice. I here him sigh, but nothing else. As the seconds tick by, my body gets tenser and tenser and…he just won't say anything. Does he want me to say something? What am I supposed to say to him? What am I supposed to do? I just don't…know. I feel my shoulders begin to shake and I can't keep myself from curling up, my chin to my knees, my hands in front of my face. He doesn't stop me. He just rubs my back as I break apart. And, I…I don't know what to do…

"Zexion, I'm not sure I understand. Why are you sorry?" He eventually asks, once the shakes have subsided a little bit. And, I don't know what to say to that, but I know I haveto. He'll get mad at me otherwise, right? He'll kick me out. I…can't deal with that.

"Because…I-I…I don't know. Because I'm here. Because I'm al-alive. I just…don't know." The uneven rising and falling of my voice even sounds pathetic to someone like me. He must be able to hear it too.

"Oh." Is all he says, his palm steadily running along my back, dancing up and down my spine. "You…you don't have to say you're sorry, okay? I'm not mad at you for anything. I was just wondering why you were doing still awake. That's all, okay…no reason to freak out. Everything's fine."

((Demyx))

I feel like my heart's being ripped out every time he apologizes for something that he didn't do, for something that's not his fault. I feel like I'm dying every time he curls up into a little ball. I feel like my life is ending every time he stutters, every time his breath picks up because he's scared, every time he thinks he isn't worth anything. And now, now is no different.

"You're okay. I'm not going to hurt you, okay? Just trust me." He doesn't say anything. He just allows me to pull him up into my lap and lay down with him again, his face still hidden from view. I think…I'm being selfish in asking for him to trust me. It must be hard for him to trust someone like me. He's been hurt so many times before and I…well, I must come across as an idiot. And, no one wants to put their trust in an idiot. But…I can't help being the kind of person that wants to help him. And, he has to trust me for me to help him. He has to learn to trust people eventually anyway, so why not start with me? That's not a lot to ask, is it? That's all I want.

No matter how selfish it may sound.

"Demyx…what am I going to do?" He asks me, some time later, his voice like the breeze, light and lost.

"I…I don't know. What do you want to do?" I don't know what to say to him. I want to tell him not to break yet because there are better things out there for him. I want to tell him not to worry, that I'll take care of everything. But, I can't. I can't make myself tell him something that may not be true. I don't want to get his hopes up and then crush them. I just…can't.

I hear a broken laugh, one that I never wanted to hear come from such hurt lips. "I want…I want for life to be better. I want to finish school. I want to forget my past. I want to never see my parents again. I want…I need to leave, but I want to stay." I don't know what that means. He needs to leave but he wants to stay. Hmm…does he mean in this town? Does he mean here? Does he even mean in this _life_? I just don't know.

"Life is only as good as you make it. That's what my mom used to tell me, anyways. As for school, you can do that. You're still in college, right? I'm sure you could go back." He stretches out just a bit, but I can see it. That means that I'm saying the right things. That he's more comfortable. That he's…feeling safer. "As for the past, it's what makes everyone who they are. If you were to forget your past, you wouldn't be Zexion Ienzo anymore. You'd be…I don't know. You'd be like one macaroni versus spaghetti noodles." I watch as Zexion sits up, looking at me with sad, red-rimmed eyes, a light smile on his lips.

"What in the world is that supposed to mean?" I can't help but smile back.

"Spaghetti noodles are long and full, just like a person's past; it tells a story. But, macaroni is short and fat and hollow. It's just a shell."

He laughs into his palm, hiding himself from me. "You're odd." He tells me with a smile. Instantly, he looks guilty, like he shouldn't have said something like that, but I can't keep myself from laughing. And, soon, I can hear him laughing with me. That's all I really wanted.

"So Axel tells me." He smiles, and I think he's as surprised as I am when he curls up at my side again, his forehead even with my shoulder. We fall into a comfortable silence like that, his breath mingling with mine. His eyes never leave me and I'm okay with that. I think he just needs something tangible to hang onto. And, I don't mind being that something for him. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm in- I'm tangible.

"Would you…would you tell me a story?" I hear his voice flutter into my ear. So silky, so sweet.

"What kind of story?"

"Something about with you and Axel and your friends…"

"Yeah, okay." A story…he wants a story. I've never had anyone ask me something like that before. And, I can't shake the feeling that he only wants to hear it because he doesn't have any nice stories. He…didn't have the life that I've had. "Well, all right, Axel, me, Roxas- that's Axel's boyfriend; they've been together forever, Marluxia- he's a loveable freak, you'll meet him eventually, and Luxord- he's a blond, gambling Brit; you'll meet him soon too, promise- decided to go trick-or-treating our junior year of high school- Roxas' sophomore year. And, anyway, Axel and Marluxia decided to be witches. You've got me as to why. And, well, you know how long Axel's hair is and everything, but Marluxia's hair is like this brownish pink color and really long too. They looked like girls; they were wearing dresses and everything. And, well, Roxas was Alice from Alice in Wonderland, because Axel forced him, Luxord was pimp, because he had a purple suit and a cane, even though I think he called himself a crime lord. Anyway- I'm not losing you, am I?"

Zexion shook his head no, his eyes holding a kind of spark. One that I've never seen before. "You, Luxord, Marluxia, Roxas, and Axel went trick-or-treating and…?"

"And, well, I was the normal one that decided to be Michael Jackson and-"

"That's normal?"

"Well, yeah. Anyway. Everything went okay until we got to this really big house at the end of fourth block over on the upper part of the high-class neighborhood. Do you know the place? The one with the windows?" He nods. "That one. Anyway, we rang the bell and this lady opened the door, she had some wild looking blonde hair. But, umm, anyways, right before we said trick-or-treat and held out our bags- or hats in Marluxia and Axel's cases, she smiled and said 'Honey, the strippers you ordered are here!'. By the time she turned around, we were half way home." I hear a breathy little laugh against the crook of my arm, one Zexion holding his hand in front of his mouth, trying to hide the sound.

"You guys are idiots."

And, for once, he doesn't second-guess himself. He just says what he wants to, laughter still in the air.

**So, how was that (I would like to know what you think)? This chapter was a bit choppier than I wanted, but eh, what are you going to do. I'm telling you, the characters wanted it this way! They wouldn't listen to me! **

**Oh, and the story (yes, the random story) was based off of what happened to a friend of mine a few years ago. **


	10. Selfish

**Another chapter~ Okay, I'm just going to go ahead and explain this. The bold in the story is something that has already happened. I thought it was pretty obvious, but~ just making sure. ^-^**

**Anyways, I was supposed to make myself sit down and write this Sunday, but we see how that turned out (not at all). *sighs* I fail. But, I doubt you care, so one with the story~ **

**Oh, and thanks to those who reviewed, alerted, and faved. It's much loved!**

**Okay, now on with the story~**

((Demyx))

Three days. It's been three days since I took Zexion to the hospital, since he started sleeping in my room. At first, it was a little awkward for me. He's gay, or at least bi, and I'm gay through and through, so of course, it feels a little weird for me to sleep in the same bed as him, but it feels right too. It feels like he's supposed to be there, like he belongs up there with me, curled protectively in his tightly wound ball. I'll never tell him that though. I don't want to ruin the shaky friendship that I've created. I don't…

I just don't want him to hate me.

That's the truth of it. I couldn't bare the thought of someone like him hating me. And, I don't mean someone broken, someone insecure. No, I mean someone like _him_. Someone mysterious, yet obviously caring. Someone full of faults as well as perfections. I guess to anyone else something like that would sound stupid. Axel would just laugh at me and call me a lovesick puppy like he always does when I have a crush. Except, this time, I don't think I have a crush…I think I might love him.

Since the day he became a part of my life, I've been obsessed with him. At first, it was just like my normal obsession with helping people. But…it changed. With everyone else, they were allowed to stay for as long as they wanted and they were allowed to use me. With him, it's different. I'm not just allowing him to stay; I _want _him to stay. I want him to let me help him. And, I would be happy letting him use me, as long as it made him happy too. I live for every time he talks to me, his voice so…musical. I lose my breath every time I can make him smile, or, on rare occasions, laugh. I can't keep my eyes off of him when he stares off into space, because I know he can't see me when he's lost like that. I feel butterflies in my stomach when I start to babble, because it makes him cock his head to the side like he's trying to understand. And, I-

I've got it bad, don't I?

I wish that in all of those "little life lessons" my mother taught me she would've said something about picking who you fall in love with, because I love Zexion and…I don't think he can love me back. And, that's what hurts me the most. I don't mind being hurt…I really don't. It's just that I can't stand the thought of maybe hurting him by accident. I don't want to force my feelings on him. I don't want to make him think that he owes me his love. I just…

I just want him to love me for me.

____

"Demyx…? Would you do something for me?" For a minute, all I can do is stare. Zexion doesn't ask for anything. He never asks for anything. He's too…controlled to ask for things, no matter how often I tell him that he can ask me for anything he wants. After a minute or two of just staring at him, I think that maybe I'm making him uncomfortable and maybe he'll get the wrong idea about why I'm staring, because he does that sometimes. So, I nod, smiling just to let him know that I'm not mad and that he can ask for whatever he wants because I really haven't been lying to him all this time.

"Anything you want." He bites onto his bottom lip, worrying it in between his teeth until I'm sure he tasted blood. His eyes look scared. Like he thinks I'm going to get mad or say no and kick him out. I've come to find that he does this a lot. He just…doesn't understand that I'm not going to turn on him like everyone else has.

He takes a deep, unsteady breath, looking away from me and down at his feet, which are snuggly wrapped in a pair of my old socks. "Would you take me back to Hollow Bastion? I-I need to go back to school soon…and my stuff- I need to get my stuff from my…boyfriend's house, before he burns it or-or sells it…I need to get some money too…to pay you back." Boyfriend's house. Boyfriend. _Boyfriend_. He has a boyfriend? I knew he had had them in the past, but right now. He's in a relationship _right now_?!

Well, shit. (Sorry, mom, wherever you are, but you know this sucks).

I want to scream and rip my hair out. I want to ask him why he's with someone that will _burn or sell _his things. I want to know why this bothers me so much. And, most importantly, I want to know why I fell in love with this person. This person that can't tell how much I care about him. This person…

That I refuse to let get hurt again.

"Sure thing. You don't have to pay me back, though." I don't tell him anything. I don't tell him how much I want to see him happy. How much I love to watch him smile, to watch him laugh. I don't tell him how far I've fallen for him. I just…don't say anything.

"Thank you…" He whispers, shuffling his feet back and forth, like he really was expecting me to say something else, something entirely different.

"When do you want to leave?" His head snaps up at that, that one little word. His eyes…oh moogles, they look terrified. So frightened. So lost.

I…hurt him. What did I say that hurt him so much? What did I do?

"Leave…you really want me to leave?" And…I really think he's about to cry. His eyes are watered. No longer a cobalt blue, but a deeper, darker sapphire, making his eyes look like saddened gems. He thinks I want him to leave. He thinks I don't want him here. He thinks I'm ready to get rid of him for good, to free myself from the burden he thinks he is to me.

I hurt him…._what have I done?_

((Zexion))

"**When do you want to leave?" **

I don't know why I want to cry because of this. I don't know why I can't stop the tears from building up behind my eyes. I just…don't know why. I don't know why this hurts me so much. I knew this was going to happen. I knew he would make me leave eventually, no matter what he said before. I knew he couldn't offer me a sanctuary, because people like me aren't allowed to have sanctuaries. We're too…broken. Too unneeded. To worthless.

People like me were never supposed to exist.

When I jumped, I should have died. I shouldn't have woken up here, covered in a blanket, with this person who keeps telling me how much I'm worth. I've known he was lying from the very beginning. I've known that his words couldn't have meant anything. After all, they're only words, right? They don't make things happen. They don't make things stop happening either. They just…fill the void, if only for a while. In retrospect, they're just as worthless as I am.

They mean nothing.

They're nothing but silly, meaningless things spoken in haste to make people feel better, even when they don't deserve it. They're nothing but worthless little liars that bite like nails. They're _nothing_.

But…that doesn't mean that I didn't want to believe them.

I wanted them to be real. I wanted him to give me something tangible to hang on to. I wanted him to just give me _something_ that could keep me alive, because…I never really wanted to jump in the first place. I just wanted to escape my life. My past, my present, my future. All I wanted was to escape, and the only way for me to do that would be dying. But, he…he made me believe, if only for a moment, that I wasn't worthless. That I was _someone_.

I'm such a fool.

I've known this was going to happen from the very beginning. I've known and yet…it surprises me. It surprises me that he would go back on his word. I guess, in the end, he really was just like everyone else, no matter how much I wanted to believe that he was different.

"**Leave….you really want me to leave?" **I can't stop myself from pleading in my own weak, pathetic little voice, just waiting for him to scream at me to get out of his house, because he doesn't _need _me. Because he doesn't _want _me. And, I'm just the _selfish _fool that wants to stay, that wants that one little sanctuary. I don't even know why I try. There's something wrong with me…I know there is. No rational person would still be setting themselves up for this kind of disappointment time and time again. No rational, _normal _person would have to keep begging for a little bit of love, a little bit of want. Maybe that's my problem. Maybe I'm just not normal. Maybe I'm just too selfish. I don't fucking _know_.

"No, no, no! That's not what I meant! I umm….oh moogles, please don't cry. Please, please don't cry." He pleads, those oceanic gems of his as wide as saucers. Before I can even apologize for whatever it is that I misunderstood, he pulls m onto his lap, holding my head on his shoulder, rubbing my scalp, rubbing my back, trying as hard as he can to calm me down. To keep me from crying…but, I can't stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks. No matter how much I want to at least appear strong enough to take rejection, I can't stop the disobedient tears from escaping my eyes. I can't stop them just like I can't stop anything else.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I repeat over and over, like some twisted chant, into his collarbone, hoping he won't get mad. Hoping he cares enough to forgive me for crying like a baby in front of him again.

"Shh-shh, you don't have to apologize." He coos in my ear, gently pulling my slate locks away from my face. "You didn't do anything wrong, okay? Trust me. I just thought you were leaving to go back to Hollow Bastion is all. If you want to stay here then you can. I've already told you. You can stay here for as long as you want. I'm not going to kick you out."

He thought that I was the one who was leaving? He thought I was going back to that wretched place for good? He thought that I would give up my sanctuary? The only one I've ever had? It was all just a misunderstanding….I was wrong…and he was wrong. We were _both _wrong. So…it's not just me this time. It's not just something that is wrong with me. I'm not the only one.

But, I can't help but think he's doing this for me and not for himself. I cant' help but think that he's putting me above him, even though we both know that I'm not worth his care, not worth his time. And…I don't want that. I'm selfish, but that doesn't mean that I don't want him to care about him too. That doesn't mean that I want him to do everything for me and nothing for himself.

I don't want…something that he doesn't want.

Slowly, I pull away from him, and I must look ridiculous with tears still sliding down my selfish cheeks, but I can't stop myself from losing my breath when I look into his eyes. They're so…honest, so caring, so _loving_. And, I know that I don't deserve anything he's giving me. I don't deserve his honesty, his care, his hospitality. I didn't even deserve him carrying me in out of the rain. But, even though that's true and I know that it is, I can't stop myself from proving just how selfish I really am.

"Demyx…you keep saying that I can stay…but do you really _want _me to stay?"

**Not a lot to say, except they're basically both thinking that they're selfish, when really, neither of them are. *sighs***

**Okay, I'm going to try to do a holiday piece with this pairing, so this story may or may not get updated for the next few weeks. It probably will, but if worse comes to worst, this will go on the backburner until after Christmas. Sorry guys. I'll try to get some more chapters in though.**

**Please review! I want to know what people think about the characters and how they interact with one another. Also, does my writing style bother you? (with its fragments and repetitions).**

**If you have any ideas for a holiday piece, let me know!**


	11. Terror

**Sorry this took so long. My Christmas Special took a lot longer than I thought it would. ^^**

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed, alerted, and favorited this story! I really appreciate it!**

((Zexion))

I knew I shouldn't have asked him something like that, something so personal. I should have just taken this, my sanctuary for what it was. I shouldn't have been so…so _selfish_. So selfish to want to know something that is none of my business, none of my concern. Anything would be better than this.

Standing here like some pathetic child, my own selfish tears sliding down my cheeks in streams, while I watch him. Watch him like he's some deer caught in headlights. And, it doesn't look like he knows what to say, like he and I have switched roles and he's not comfortable with. He opens his mouth to answer, but…I know now that I don't want him to. I don't want him to answer such a question. I don't want him to answer a question that I've asked so selfishly, when I know that I didn't deserve to ask it in the first place.

"I-"

"I'm sorry!" I blurt out, biting into my bottom lip as he just stares at me. Stares at me with those oceanic eyes of his. Those _innocent _eyes of his. "I…I-I shouldn't have asked that…I-I'm sorry." I shuffled my feet along the floor. _Please…please say something. Please don't make me keep talking. You know I'll just mess up again…please Demyx. Please…?_

"You don't have to apologize, Zexy. It's fine. Really." He smiles, smiles that carefree smile that I…love. That smile that I love. Love with all my broken, fucked-up heart. "And, to answer your question, yes…I-I want you to stay here as long as you want to stay here."

And, I smile just a bit, slightly frustrated. Well, that's one way to avoid the question, but… "Thank you."

"Well, you're welcome. And, now that that's settled, when do you want to head into Hollow Bastion?"

____

Why did I want to come here? I knew that it would only bring back bad memories, new waves of pain. Why would I willingly set myself up for this kind of heart again and again? I must really be some pathetic fool if this is what I cause myself. I must really be.

"Are you ready to go in?" Demyx asks, leaning just a little bit closer to me, a bit closer than should be appropriate, but…I really don't care. As long as it's him.

As long as it's him sitting with me in this slightly rundown blue car with the dent on the side. As long as it's him looking up at the block apartment building with such innocent eyes, one hand on my shoulder. As long as it's him and only him sharing this experience with me, because…as much as I hate to admit it, I wouldn't be here without him. I wouldn't be _alive _to have the courage to come back here, to go back to school in a couple of days. If it weren't for _him, _none of this would be happening.

"Yes…" I manage to choke out, sliding away from him and out of the car as quickly as I can, because otherwise, I know I won't go up there, because no, I'm not ready. I'm not ready for this kind of step, but I know it has to be done. Because, I can't move on if I can't get passed this. I can't move on if I can't get passed something so…insignificant to the bigger picture of things. I just…have to get passed this. And, I can. I can as long as Demyx is with me every step of the way, and he will be. I know that now, because…because he _wants _me. I'm _wanted _when I'm with him. And, maybe I'm not wanted like my boyfriend's _needed _me, but I'm wanted all the same. And, that's all I really want. That's not a lot to want, is it? _Is it? _

I hear him get out and walk up behind me, but I don't turn around. If I turn around, I'll see those _innocent eyes. _Those innocent eyes I'm about to so selfishly subject to my fucked-up little world. A world that he should never be allowed to see, because…no one from the outside should ever have to see it. Because it's wrong. Wrong and hurtful. Not something that anyone really wants to see. Not something that _should _be seen.

Hesitantly, I make my way into the building's rundown lobby. The same woman is at the desk. The one with the slick-backed blonde hair and the too-sharply pointed nails. Larxene, the landlord. She's always frightened me, even before I moved in here, but that's okay, because she's not who I'm here to see. I slide past her, Demyx at my heels, and walk up the stairs to the third floor-because I'm sure that the elevator's out again- and knock on apartment number 03. It takes less than a minute for it to swing open.

And, there he stood.

Stood in all his slightly drunken glory.

His hair is the same as it always is. Hung in long, low, jet black dread locks that probably hasn't been washed in a good six months. His clothes are wrinkled and stained by spills here and there…they probably haven't' been washed within the last few weeks; he never was one for doing laundry and cleaning up after himself. His arms are bare and muscled, ripped, like they've always been. I suppose they're what attracted me to him in the first place, because I know that nothing else could have. Maybe I thought I could get him to change. That maybe I could get him to protect me with those muscles. Oh, how wrong I was.

Those muscles are only good for hurting me, for pushing me to the brink with low, biting punches and quickened slaps. For hurting me until I wanted to just curl up and die, disappear because that's all I thought I was good for- all I _am _good for. That's all those muscles have ever been good for.

"He, I wondered when you'd show back up here, you little bitch? Didn't like the world all by yourself? Hmm…?" he asks tauntingly, a beer bottle hanging limply in his palm, a smirk on his lips.

And, this is why I didn't want to get out of the car.

((Demyx))

I want to kill him.

I want to whip that smirk off his face and rip his throat out. Bash that damn bottle on his head. Pull on those stupid dreadlocks. Pay Axel to take care of him. _Something_. I want to get rid of him. Get him away from Zexion. Because Zexion…Zexion doesn't deserve this. Doesn't deserve to be treated so harshly by someone like…like _him. _This sick, sick _man_.

"Well, you little bitch? Are you going to come in or what?" Oh, how I want to hurt him for calling Zexion something like _that_. No, not _my _Zexy. This vile _creature_ isn't to talk about him in such a manner.

"No." Zexion mumbles, scuffling the toes of my shoes against the ground. The toes are too big for him, sliding off in the slightest way, just like everything else I let him borrow. Sliding off. Sliding off his hips, his shoulders. "I-I'm not…coming back."

"Excuse me?" He doesn't look like he likes that too terribly much, like he didn't expect it in the slightest.

"I…I just came to get my stuff. That's all…" The man growls, obviously angry, and Zexion…he doesn't say anything. He just stares at the shaggily carpeted floor below him, finding it more interesting than he should.

"You little _bitch_!" Before I can even blink, the beer bottle's busted, busted against…against Zexion's arm, a little bit of blood leaking out past the sleeves of the jacket I let him borrow. The man, creature, _monster _has Zexion's other arm forced into a grip that I know is too tight, must be too tight. His body is flushed against his, forced a little too close, a little too quickly.

"You fucking little _bitch_! You're leaving? You? Don't make me laugh! You're nothing but a _slut_! No one will ever want you! You'll be out on the streets, selling off that pretty little body of yours, if you can even get a penny for it." Zexion shakes his head, trying to turn away from the voice that's right in his ears, yelling those lies. Yelling- "You're just a little slut and that's all you'll ever be. You _worthless thing_!" things that aren't true. Things that I can't stand. Can't stand to hear because I know they're cutting into my Zexion like sharp little knives trying to draw every last drop of blood they can find.

"Hey, that's _enough_!" I grab his wrist and I don't think I've ever been so angry in my entire life. How dare he! How dare he tell _my _Zexion those _lies_! "Don't you dare say that again!" The man winces, his wrist locked in my grip; I must be hurting him. And, it's funny, but I can't bring myself to care. Why should I? Not when he hurt Zexion so badly. Not when he did things that were so wrong. And…

This isn't like me.

I've _never_ been like this.

Ripping, I release his hold on Zexion's arm, and he just stands there. Stands there completely freed from such a person, shaking like he can't really get away. And, it…it hurts, because it isn't this _sick, evil _man he's watching with cobalt eyes that are just so frightened. It…it's _me_. It's me that he's so _terrified _of.

_What am I doing?_

"Zexy…hey, go and get your stuff, okay?" I say as calmly as I can, my voice concerned, because I am and I know that's what he's used, what he really needs. Instantly, he doesn't look as scared. He doesn't look like he's so very terrified of me. Slowly, he nods and disappears inside the little apartment, his slender back disappearing into the black-holed _Hell_.

And, the man begins to laugh.

Laugh like he's truly lost his mind, his sanity. "So, you're that little _slut's _new toy? Or, is he yours?" He laughs a little harder, even though my grip is getting impossibly tight. Impossibly angrier with every word.

"Stop talking about him like that!"

He just laughs a little more, a smirk firmly set on his pale pink, chapped lips. "That little bitch ever tell you about his past, all the shit that he's done?" By the look on my face, he must have thought it was okay to keep going. "Do you want to know what I could get that little _thing _to do for me? It was just so easy to get him to slide his clothes off, to let me do whatever I wanted with him. He, it took me less than a day to get him into bed. Did you know he was that easy? He, maybe you do. Tell me, new toy, have you fucked him yet? Bent him over a bed? Seen that pale little body naked, bare? No? He. You should. He's the best fuckin' lay you'll ever have, I-"

"Shut the hell up!"

And, thankfully, he does.

"Demyx…" I turn around, keeping my grip firm. Zexion…oh moogles, he heard that, didn't he? He heard everything he said, everything I said. And, I can tell that he did, because…because his feet are turned inward, his lithe little body drowning in my clothes, his hair trying to hide those red-rimmed eyes, his hands trembling by his side. "Can…can we leave now?" He asks, hesitating, biting his lip until I'm sure he could taste that ruby red liquid pooling down his throat.

Slowly, I nod, letting that…that _creature_ go. Zexion steps behind me, but…a little too far back, a couple of bags hugged tightly to his chest. The monster just sneers as we walk away, Zexion staying a safe distance away from me, and…even as we get into the car, I can see it. I can see what this little visit has caused. I can see it through my own plain, distorted gaze.

_Zexion's terrified of me. _

**Aren't I awful? T.T **

**I really hadn't meant for that to go so badly for Zexion, but I couldnt' help myself. **

**R+R? I'll post another chapter before the 4th if you do~ **


	12. Different

**I really thought this was going to turn out differently than it did, but I guess you really can't control a story. ^^'**

**Anyway, thanks to all those people who reviewed, favorited, and alerted.**

((Demyx))

"Hey…Zexy? Are you…are you okay?" He doesn't say anything, he just nods, curling up and scooting a little closer to the window, hiding behind his hair. Hiding…hiding from me, and I know he's hiding from me, because I screwed up. _I screwed up_. "Umm…okay." I sigh, watching him out of the corner of my eye as we get just a little bit closer to home. I should be watching the road. I know I should. But, I can't stop watching him. I can't stop watching him for a sign. A sign of any kind that might…I don't know, make this okay, I guess. But, even I know that there won't be one. Even my so-called childish mind knows that there might not be any fixing this. But…

That doesn't mean I can't at least _try_.

"Is your arm…is your arm still bleeding?" I swallow, my grip tightening on the steering wheel as he fingers the cut on his arm through my now-ruined jacket sleeve. _Please, just let him answer…don't let him lock himself away. Please…please don't let that happen. _I silently beg, because…I can't let that happen. I just can't.

"…it…it's fine." He mumbles, shrouding more of his face behind his hair. He's trembling. Trembling like he did when he first woke up. He really thinks I'm going to hurt him. He really thinks that I'll be just like everyone else in his life.

"Zexion…" He doesn't say anything; he just pulls himself a little farther away from me, a little closer to the window. "Zexion.." I try again. And, I try so fucking hard. I really do. I don't want him to think I'm like everyone else, to think that I'm going to hurt him, because…I don't want to _be _like everyone else. I don't want to be that person that he fears. Because…because that's not who I _am_.

"Stop the car."

"Uh…Zexy, what…?"

"Stop the car!"

So, I do. I pull the car over into a vaguely familiar ditch and watch as he jumps out, slamming the door closed behind him. _Is he really that scared of me? Have I really messed up so badly that he feels like he has to run from me? Have I really caused this? _Hesitantly, I open my door and step out…to the most heart wrenching sight.

Zexion's curled up on the ground, clutching his stomach, puking his guts out.

Oh. Maybe that's why he wanted out. Maybe that's why he ran. Maybe…maybe he wasn't as frightened as I thought he was. It doesn't even matter. I can't let him stay like this.

I walk up behind him and pull his hair back away from his face, and I can feel it. I can feel his entire body shaking beneath my touch. His skin a little too feverish, a little too pale against my fingertips.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He mumbles, crying and pleading when he finally gets a break, when he should be breathing.

"Shh, shh. It's okay. It's okay." I know my words don't mean anything to him, not with him bending over again to get rid of the meager lunch I managed to get him to eat earlier, not with another fresh wave of tears pooling their way down his cheeks.

"No it's not. No it's not." He shakes his head, hysterical, lost, _broken_. "I-I…I didn't…I-"

"_What the HELL?_" Oh, have I ever been more thankful to hear that voice. Slowly, I turn my head to look at him, making sure to keep my hands on Zexion's hair as he bends down to lose whatever else it is that he has in his stomach.

"Help, please?" Axel just looks at me in shock, that bright red hair of his making him look feral in a way. In a way that I've always found comforting, because Axel…Axel's what brought me back when my parents died, when I hit the floor. He's always been right there. I know I can count on him for anything. And, this, this is no different.

"I find your rundown old car vandalizing my ditch and your friend puking his guts out on my _lawn_, and you're asking for help? Really, Dem?" He smiles that cocky smile of his. "What do you want me to do?"

"I-I…I don't know." I whisper, pulling Zexion back to rest against me, because…he doesn't look okay. He looks too broken, too weak, his eyes glazed over, staring into nothing.

"Just…give him to me. I'll take him inside. You…just bring your car up to the driveway, okay? You can explain this to me when you get inside." I nod, slowly letting him pick Zexion up bridal style, and I know he must be out of it, because he's not even protesting. He's just leaning back into him, like he'll do anything for warmth. I wait until Axel's half-way into the house before I get back in my car and pull it around to the driveway.

How could I have not noticed where I was? How could I have not known that Axel was right here? I've been to this house so many times. I've walked across this same patch of grass for years. How could I have missed this? How could I have not seen that beautiful brick house? That house that's like a second home? How could I have not seen it?

Maybe I really have changed.

Tentatively, I open the front door and walk inside, escaping the cold. And, everything's just how I remembered it. The same hardwood floors, the same burn mark on the sofa. The same red walls I helped paint. The TV still has the same names written on it in sharpies from back in high school. The wooden end table is still missing its glass top from shattering on moving day. That stupid moogle pillow is still sitting on the same chair, never to be touched outside of scary movie nights. It's exactly the same as it was. And, it's…

Its home.

((Zexion))

Everything hurts. Everything feels like it's falling apart, because…because I can't hold the pieces together anymore. Because I can't keep them from shattering into a million pieces, just like me. Because I can't keep the pieces from being just like me. I can't save them. I don't even know why I tried. I can't even save myself…let alone something else. I'm too _worthless_, too _pathetic_. I'm just a good-for-nothing _slut_, just like he said. I'm exactly what Xaldin said I was. I don't know why I felt like Demyx wanted me, no matter what he may have said. I'm not worth wanting. I'll never be worth anything.

I'm just _worthless_.

Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm not worth anyone's time. Anyone's trouble. Maybe my parents had the right idea about ignoring me, treating me like I never even existed. Maybe they knew. Maybe they've always known. Maybe…this is what's wrong with me. Maybe this nothingness is my problem, my fatal flaw. Maybe-

"Hey." I jump, holding myself a little tighter as this…person comes just a little closer. "So, I'm assuming you're Zexion? I'm Roxas." He smiles politely, waving at me just a little. He seems…nice with that small frame, honey blond hair, and deep blue eyes. I don't know why anyone would ever be nice to me. I'm not worth the trouble. Haven't they figured it out by now?

"Hi…" I mumble, staring at my thin, little toes as the shuffle along the floor. His smile falters for just a second and…he doesn't try to pull it back up. It's like he doesn't really care what I think. It's like…he's that person that isn't going to hurt me, but isn't going to coddle me either. And, I think, I think I like that.

"Come on. Axel says we need to wash your clothes." I look down at them. They look ruined. The knees of the borrowed jeans covered in dirt, blood on the sleeve, faint traces of vomit on my stomach. Yes…they're ruined. Will Demyx be angry with me because…of this? I didn't think he would be, but…he got so angry back at the apartment. Maybe, maybe he'll get angry with me too? I just…don't know.

Hesitantly, I follow behind this…Roxas as he leads me through a hall and into a large bedroom. He motions for me to sit down before disappearing inside a door on the right. I find myself falling back on the bed, shaking slightly as I pull my knees back up to the chest, my toes seeping into the plush bedding. This place…this place is nice. It doesn't have the same homey appeal that Demyx's house has, but it's nice, inviting even.

I think I could grow to like this place.

_What am I thinking? _I shouldn't be allowed to like anything. I shouldn't even be here. I should be out in the middle of the road, puking my guts out, _alone_. That's what I deserve, so why is it that Demyx would do anything to make sure that doesn't happen? That I don't get what I deserve? I don't understand…I don't understand anything about him.

"Here. Put these on." I blink, staring at the clothes being held out to me. "I think we're about the same size." I nod slowly, taking the clothes from him in my shaking hands. He just watches me watch them, my eyes glazed over in the slightest way. He sighs. "Do you need any help? I mean, your hands look pretty bad."

"No." I say a little too fast, biting my lip, tightening my grip, hoping, praying that they'll stop there infuriating shaking. They don't.

"Yeah. Okay. I'll be out in the hall." And, he leaves, fingering his blond hair with lithe little digits. He…he seems nice. Slowly, I pull the clothes Demyx let me borrow off; they practically slip down my frame, exposing my pale, sickly skin. My bruised, underdeveloped body. No, I could never be wanted. I could never be loved. That's just not even a _possibility_ for someone like me.

____

"Where's Demyx?" I ask, sinking a little farther into the pillows as Axel covers me with another blanket, this one red and black, not nearly as comforting as the one with bubbles on it Demyx let me use.

"He went with Roxas to go and get some food from the place down the street. He said when he got back he was going to make you eat something. Even birds need food _sometimes_, whatever that's suppose to mean." I find myself smiling a little at that, curling up a bit more. Maybe Demyx doesn't hate me. Maybe he doesn't want to get rid of me. Maybe he's not like everyone else.

"**It was just so easy to get him to slide his clothes off, to let me do whatever I wanted with him. He, it took me less than a day to get him into bed. Did you know he was that easy? He, maybe you do. Tell me, new toy, have you fucked him yet? Bent him over a bed? Seen that pale little body naked, bare? No? He. You should. He's the best fuckin' lay you'll ever have, I-"**

"**Shut the hell up!"**

Maybe he is. I just don't know anything anymore. I don't know if Demyx is someone I can trust or not. I want him to be. I want him to be someone I can trust with anything. Someone I can feel safe with. I felt safe. I really did. I felt safe when he brought me back from the hospital, when he let me sleep in the same bed as him without having him touch me. Isn't that what it's like to feel safe? To feel wanted? To feel needed?

Something must really be wrong with me.

I can't even figure out my own feelings, let alone someone else's'. I can't tell a person how I feel, just like I can't tell them everything they would ever want to know about me, because I know what would happen. I know that they would hate me if they knew everything. I know that they couldn't accept me. _Wouldn't_ accept me. And, he…

Oh, I hoped he could be different.

Would be different.

But, maybe, maybe I was wrong.

**I think Zexion missed out on the part of childhood that teachs you how to interact with people.**

**Like, I said, this wasn't supposed to turn out like this, but I think I like it better this way. It seems to fit the characters a little more. And, look! The ever elusive Roxas finally makes an appearance! ^-^**

**R+R and you'll get another chapter soon!**


	13. Apologize

**Sorry this took so long, since I was hoping to have it up a lot sooner. The darn thing just didn't want to be written. **

**Anyway, thanks for the reviews, faves, and alerts everybody! I really appreciate it!**

((Zexion))

_I feel like I'm underwater. Under layer upon layer of dark, suffocating water. And I, I am lost. Lost in the unforgiving water. I can't find my way, because there's nothing to grab on to, nothing to touch with my skinny little fingers. There's just…nothing. It's like the water swallowed everything up, just like it swallowed me. Isn't this what I wanted? Didn't I want to just disappear, to a place where no one could be disappointed in me? No one could want anything from me? No on could _hurt _me? Isn't this what I wanted? Isn't it? _

_I don't know. _

_I don't know if I really wanted to drown in this suffocating feeling, in this dark water. I know I jumped; I know I did, but was it really what I wanted? Did I really want to disappear? Did I?_

_I don't know that either. _

_I don't know why I'm here, what I'm doing here in the first place. I just don't know. I don't know anything anymore, not since _him. _He changed everything, my entire world. He took down each wall I held so high around myself. He toppled them over with sweet, sweet words, without ever once hurting me. But…did he really mean those words? Did he really want me? Did he really believe what he was telling me? _

_I wish I knew._

_I wish I knew how he felt about me, how I feel about him. I wish I knew it all. But, I don't. And…I know I won't. I'm just too broken to ever know. To even truly figure it out. I'm too far gone, too lost. Too everything. But, does that really mean that I deserve to drown? That I deserve to drown in this suffocating, dark water? Does it? I know my parents would prefer me to drown…they wanted me to die; they've always wanted me to die. _

_Am I really okay with that? Do I really want that? Do I? _

_I don't know._

"Zexion? Zexion…hey, Zexion? You need to wake up…" I blink, groaning slightly as my eyes open to the brightness of the room…that I don't remember. I feel my breath pick up, my chest struggling to take in just another breath of air. Where am I? Why don't I know where I am? I should know. I was with Demyx. I was with Demyx…where is he? Oh moogles, don't let him leave me. Just don't let him leave me. I couldn't take it. I couldn't…bare it. "Hey, Zexy, calm down." I stop breathing. I know that voice. Slowly, I turn, looking over my shoulder as I struggle to sit up.

It's him.

It's him in all of his tan, lanky, odd…abnormal glory. All of it. Everything that belongs to those oceanic eyes…that are staring at me with that hidden smile. That hidden smile that doesn't show teeth or bubbly happiness. That smile that shows me nothing but…care, concern…_love_ even. That hidden smile that brightens my day. That gives me a reason to live. The smile that-

Oh.

I think I might be in love with that smile.

_What's wrong with me?_

"Uh, Zexy? You need to breath." He reasons, smiling all the while, worry falling into those oceanic eyes. So I do. I breathe in and out in small measured breaths, unable to take my eyes off of him. How can I let myself fall in love? I can't, can I? It must be some sort of mistake. I can't even figure out my own feelings, right? I'm just mixing them up again. I'm just…confused, hurt, angry; I don't know. I'm something, anything but in love. Please, please let me be anything but in love. I won't deal with that right now. I _can't _deal with that right now. I just…can't.

Slowly, I curl, resting my head on my knees, watching Demyx through my overgrown bangs. No, I can't possibly be in love. "Where am I?" I finally ask; he just smiles that wonderful smile.

"You're in Axel and Roxas' guest bedroom. You fell asleep on the couch and we didn't want to wake you up, so…yeah."

"Oh." I mumble. I should have guessed. This room is just as cozy as the rest of the house was, if not as lived-in as Demyx's place. It lacks the colorful appeal that his has, but it's not cold like every other place I've ever been. Over time, I might even grow to like it.

"Yeah, um, are you feeling any better? Do you need me to get you anything? I mean, you must be hungry and tired; I'm bothering you, aren't I? You've been asleep for a really long time and you needed to get up, but I should've- I'm babbling again, aren't I?" He laughs lightly, but…it's fake. He's _fake _laughing. Why would he do that for me? Why would he resort back to talking with me this way? Why…why would he? It just doesn't make any sense to me.

"I'm fine."

"Oh." His shuffles his feet along the floor, disappointment written clearly in his features. And, why? Why does that bother me so much? Is it because I don't want him to be disappointed in me, to think I'm worthless and get rid of me like everyone else? Or…is it because I…think I might love him?

No, that can't possibly be it.

He sighs, heavily, those oceanic eyes watching me with…sadness. And I, I just don't understand. "Listen Zexy, I just wanted to say I'm sorry." Demyx looks at me with those big puppy-dog, oceanic eyes, searching for forgiveness. But…

"Why?" Why is he sorry? Why is he the one apologizing? Shouldn't I be the one begging forgiveness? Shouldn't I be the one pleading with _him_? Shouldn't it be _me _and not _him_?

And, all he can do is stare as I look at him incredulously through my dark bangs, eyes just as lost as mine have always been. I don't think I like this; this switching of roles.

"Why shouldn't I apologize?"

((Demyx))

I don't think I quite understand. How could he _not _know what I'm apologizing for? I mean, wasn't he terrified, so very afraid of me? Shouldn't he be backing away in fear, like he was in the car? Shouldn't he? He should understand. He was terrified and that was _my _fault, so isn't it only right for me to apologize to him? Mom always said I should right my wrongs and…this is righting a wrong, isn't it? Well, I think it is anyway, doesn't that count for something? Yes, no, maybe?

Oh, mighty moogles,_ I _don't even understand.

"Because…I'm the one that should apologize…?" Zexion mumbles, hugging his knees, avoiding looking me in the eyes at all cost. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. All it's causing is him to doubt himself. I mean, doesn't he do that enough? Wouldn't it have been better for me to keep my big, fat mouth shut for once? But, that wouldn't have been righting my wrong; that would have just been ignoring the problem, and mom said I should never ignore my problems, because that just makes things that much worse.

"Why…? You didn't do anything wrong." I rub my neck nervously, watching him struggle with himself, curling, uncurling, losing himself. And, even though I know I shouldn't push him, shouldn't ask for anything of him because I know he might just fall apart, I can't keep myself from pushing. Pushing just a little bit farther. I want to know. I _need _to know.

"I didn't…do anything wrong." He repeats, as if he doesn't really believe it. His cobalt blue eyes gaze off into space, lost, untouchable. Except…it's not the lost look he had before; it's not like the one I held when my parents died. It's nothing like it at all. It's more…guarded. Like he doesn't know if he _wants _to believe it or not. It just doesn't make any sense. Suddenly, he shakes his head, to and fro almost violently. "No, no. I have to have done _something _wrong…I-I'm sorry I asked you to go there with me and-and you had to see that. And, then I nearly puked in your car and I yelled. And-and…I'm sorry."

He's sorry for _those_ things. Those insignificant things. I'm the one that agreed to go with him to get his things. I'm the one that volunteered. And, who cares if he yelled at me to stop the car? Who cares if he nearly puked in it? It's a piece of junk anyway! Why would anyone care about _those stupid things_! Has he really been hurt so many times that he doesn't even understand what matters and what doesn't? Have all those people that have used him really done _that _much damage? How could they? How could they hurt him like that? I just don't understand…

"Listen, Zexy…you really don't need to apologize for that kind of stuff." He tilts his head to the side, not really understanding what I'm trying to say. It's like I'm trying to explain to a child how to interact with others on their first day of kindergarten. "I mean, why does it matter that you yelled at me just on little time- and you had a good reason for it! Yelling sometimes is okay…you know that, right? It's not always done because a person's mad…or because they want to hurt you. It just…happens sometimes. Okay? I'm not angry at you for that. And, of course I'm not angry with you for going with you to go and get your things." I sigh, watching him nervously worry his bottom lip in between his sharp little teeth. "Don't you remember, Zexy? I went of my own free will. You didn't _make _me do anything. Okay? Please don't think you have to apologize. You really didn't do anything wrong." I try to force a smile, but I'm sure he can see through it. Those eyes of his, always studying, they should know what my real smile looks like, and, this, this isn't it.

"Oh. I understand." He mumbles, curling his feet inward. He's lying. Even I can tell that he is. He doesn't understand anything that I'm trying to tell him. He doesn't understand any of it at all. It's like I'm speaking a foreign language that he just can't get the gist of.

"Yeah…" I can let him lie for now. I shouldn't push him too hard; he doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. Least of all from someone like me. Someone so caught up in their fantasies of being able to save everyone. Someone so…unrealistic.

"Demyx…" I hear him mumble sometime later, watching my hesitantly, like he doesn't really think he should say anything, like it's something that he shouldn't be allowed to do. "Why were you apologizing to me?"

Oh.

I'd hoped he would forget.

Mom said to never run from your problems, and I guess I shouldn't run from mine either. "I…was just going to apologize for scaring you. I shouldn't have yelled…I wasn't mad at you, I swear. It was just…_that guy_. He made me so angry…how could you let him treat you like that! How could you let him touch you! You don't deserve that type of treatment! From anyone! Least of all that garbage!" And, I'm yelling again, unable to help myself even as I see him backing up on the couch, covering his ears, terrified once again. I know I should stop, but I can't stop. I can't stop the burning hatred I feel towards that man. How dare he touch Zexion! How dare he be violent with him! How _dare _he!

Abruptly, Zexion stands, glaring at me with those intense cobalt eyes of his, both visible, his hair pulled back behind one pale little ear. "Why do you care?! Why do you care how he treated me?! Why would you care enough about me to yell-scream-get angry?! Why would you?! I'm not worth it and you know it! Why would you do something like that for me?! For _me _of all people?!" I don't think I've ever seen him so determined, so broken beneath the skin, his chest heaving a little too heavily, his fists clenched a little too tightly by his sides. "Tell me why in the _hell _you give a fuck about _me_!"

And, I can't help but tell him the truth. I can't help but scream my heart out to him, to tell him what I told myself I wouldn't because I didn't want to hurt him. "Because I _love_ you! Can't you see that?!"

Why can't I keep my big, fat mouth shut?

**This chapter kills me! It didn't want to be written and it didn't turn out at all how I wanted it to! I swear, that was supposed to be a lot more heartfelt and much less scream-y! **

***glares* Whatever. It's done. It's late, but it's done. And, yes, I'm awful to Zexion. I love him, but I'm mean to him...we hurt the ones we love, right? Don't judge...**

**The next chapter should be up a bit faster and to clear anything up that wasn't, the confusing bit at the beginning is when Zexion was barely awake- or not awake at all and dreaming, however you want to interpret it. **


	14. Truth

**So, here we are at chapter 14, which once again didn't turn out how I wanted it to. Hmm...I'm really going to have to work on that. **

**Anyway, thanks to all of you who reviewed, faves, and alerted. As of right now, there are 54 reviews! ^-^ That's the most I've had on any of my stories. Thanks guys (mostly girls if you want to get technical)! **

((Demyx))

I should've kept quiet, no matter how much I wanted to scream at him, to make him believe me. I _should've _kept quiet…but I didn't. I couldn't. I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I couldn't let him just scream until his heart was content. I just…couldn't.

And, it's not okay.

The way his shoulders are shaking, his deep cobalt eyes as wide as they'll go, his fists clenched together until his knuckles turned white…that is what makes this not okay. Not right. _Wrong_. I did exactly what I said I wouldn't do, what I promised myself I'd keep from happening. I let him get hurt. And, it was _my _fault. I'm the one that hurt him, not some jackass drunk in a rundown apartment building. It was I. It was I that did this, that let him get hurt, that _caused _it.

_What have I done? _

"Zexion…" I try, my voice shaking pathetically. He doesn't say anything. He just stands there, staring right at me, but through me at the same time. "Listen, I-"

"You're lying." And, for once, his voice doesn't quiver or come out as a breathy whisper. It's strong, but it's not the kind of strength that I want. It's…a broken strength. A kind that can't grasp anything, but can't give it up either. It's the wrong kind of strong, the fake kind that will leave a person high and dry at the mere thought of hesitation.

"Zexy, what are you-"

"_You're lying_." He repeats, stronger this time, angrier. "You can't love me. _No one _can love me."

"I'm really not lying."

"_Shut up! _Yes, you are. You _have _to be!" And, I don't know what to say. How can I get through that kind of anger? The kind bordering on hysterical? How can I make him believe me? How can _I- _the stupid, bubbly, moron- make him believe me? How can I break him of the thoughts that he's been carrying around for years? How can I?

I don't know.

I don't know what I'm supposed to say or do. I don't know how to make him understand me. I don't even know how to make him _trust _me enough to understand. I just…don't know. I don't know what he wants, what he needs, what makes him happy. I can't make him laugh without hiding from the world. I can't make him tell me about his childhood and why he is the way he is. I just…can't figure him out. I don't understand what truly makes him tick, or even how it is that he can go so long without eating.

I'm truly and utterly worthless to him…and I don't know how to fix it. I don't know how to make things any different between us without overstepping my boundaries, without getting in his way. I mean, who am I- the idiot- to try to fix him, love him? I was stupid to even believe that I could, no matter how much I wanted it in the beginning. I was just…the stupid, idiotic, moron that played the fool. Nothing's changed. He still thinks that he's worthless and now he thinks I'm lying to him, telling him of things like _love_.

But, that doesn't mean I have to give up…does it? That doesn't mean that I have to give up on him, that I have to stop trying. I've always been the fool, why would it matter now?

"Zexy, listen, I'm really not lying. I lo-"

"Don't say it! Don't lie to me…_stop lying to me!_" He screams, eyes clenched shut, hugging himself. False strength isn't really strength. It's just a mask to hide the hurt that lies beneath it. "You're lying. You're lying. You're lying. You're _lying_! You can't love me. Don't you understand, Demyx? _Don't you understand? _You can't love me. You just…can't."

"But, I do." He shakes his head in denial, denying even the very thought. "I really do love you."

"_Stop saying that!_" He sinks to the floor, his knees held tightly against his chest. "Please, just stop saying that. I can't take it. I really can't." And, I know he's crying, his forehead hidden by his knees, those lithe little shoulders of his shaking uncontrollably. He's crying, and it's all my fault. I hurt him enough to cause those tiny, crystal tears. I _caused _this.

"Zexy, listen-"

"_No! You listen! _You can't love me. You _can't_! I'm too…too broken. Too pale, too skinny, too blunt, too childish, too emotionally deprived. Why can't you understand that? Why can't you?" His voice quivers and shakes, all traces of that false strength gone, leaving only a broken shell. "Why can't you just stop caring? Just ignore me, like everyone else. Just use me, abuse me. Don't treat me like you care. Don't treat me like I mean something, because I _don't_, Demyx. I just _don't_. I'm worthless, pathetic, unn-"

"Don't say things like that!" And, he looks at me with those red rimmed, cobalt eyes, his face blotchy from crying. "Don't lie like that…you're not worthless or pathetic or whatever else you think you are! And-and broken things can be fixed, can be made better. Just…trust me. Please, just trust me."

"How can I…?" He whispers, barely loud enough fro me to hear. "How can I trust you when you keep lying like that? I'm worthless, Demyx. _Worthless_. Why can't you understand that? Why do you insist on treating me like I'm not? Why do you insist on caring? And, broken things can be fixed? Face it, Demyx. There's no coming back from where I am! Don't you fucking _get it_?"

And, I would do anything for him to not be looking at me like that, for those cobalt eyes to not look so empty. I would do _anything_. I would give up my music, my friendship with Axel, _everything_, if only I could fix those precious eyes. If only I could give them the life back that was there only a few days ago. If only I could make them happy again.

_If only I could. _

((Zexion))

Why?

Why must he lie to me? Why must he look at me so dejectedly with those beautiful, oceanic eyes? Why must he actually care for me? Why must he look at me, truly look at me? Why? That's all I want to know. That's not a lot to want, is it? It's not like I want to know how to rule the world, or the secrets of the universe. So, why can't I just know why? Why can't someone tell me _why_?

Am I truly so worthless that I'm not even allowed to know the answers to this pathetic questions?

I suppose I am.

"Zexy…I'm not lying. I'm really not. You're not worthless. You're _not _worthless." And, maybe I should lie and say I believe him just so I don't have to hear any more lies that rip through what little bit is left of my heart. But…I can't do that. No matter what he's done to me, Demyx doesn't deserve to be lied to, nor do I deserve to have my heart put back together. "Why can't you trust me? Why can't you believe me? Why, Zexion, why?" And, it seems I'm not the only one wanting to know.

"Because I _can't_, Demyx…I just can't." He bites into his lower lip, watching me with oceanic eyes pooling with distressed water. _Tears_. I'm making him cry.

"That's not good enough! I want- _need _a reason! I need to know why!" He's screaming, that song like voice of his pounding in my ears, making more and more pathetic tears stream down my face. "Tell me! Tell me why!"

"Fine! Do you really want to know?" I stand, tears still streaking their way down my face, my fists held at my sides. "I can't trust you because I can't trust anyone or anything. I can't believe you because _everyone lies_. Everyone lies to me. Treats me however it is that they want. Uses me like I'm worthless. And, you want to know what, _Demyx_? I _have _to believe them. After all, they can't all be wrong. They can't all be telling me the same goddamn things because they can, right? I'm the one that's _wrong_. I'm the one! Do you get it yet?

"I'm broken, lost, _unneeded_. My parents don't give a damn about me, I've been fucked by just about every guy I've ever fucking _met_. And, you know what else? I should've fucking _died_. You shouldn't have found me. You shouldn't have brought me home. You shouldn't have done _anything _for me! Do you really think I'm worth all this shit? All the pain I'm causing you? Do you? _Do you?" _

What am I doing? Why am I screaming at him, the only person that's ever really cared? Why am I making those tears fall? Why am I belittling everything he's done for me? What am I doing to him? Am I just trying to make him understand, or am I trying to break him just as I was?

No…I can't do that. I can't do that to him. Not after everything he's done to me. Not after all the kindness he showed me. Not after…not after he said he loved me, even if it was nothing but a lie.

"Do you really think that, Zexy? Do you…really think I should have just left you there?" He just looks at me, tears still sliding down those tan cheeks, and I would do anything to make them go away. I would do anything to take back everything I've said. I would do…anything.

"Demyx…I-I…no, I'm…I don't-"

"It doesn't matter. Zexy, it really…doesn't matter." It doesn't matter…does he mean that he believes me? That he believes that I really am worthless and everything he's done for me has been for not? Is that what that means?

I don't know if that's really what I want or not.

"Demyx, I-"

"It doesn't matter, Zexy. It doesn't matter what you mean, or what you say. Because…because, I'll still love you." Oh. If he keeps saying it like that, so serious, so dejectedly, then maybe I'll start to believe him. Maybe I'll start to believe that he's not really lying to me.

But, I can't. I can't let myself be fooled. I can't let myself believe him, just like I did all the others. I'll just get hurt again. I'll just end up on the ledge again, without any will to live. I'll end up lost again. And…I can't let that happen. I can't let myself be like that again, because next time there won't be a Demyx there to catch me. Next time there won't be some idiot willing to take me home. Next time…next time I won't survive.

"Why do you keep saying that?" I whisper, turning away from him, tears finally ready to cease. I want him to give up on me. I want him to make me believe him. I want him to find someone else. I want him to pull me close and make me understand just what it is he sees in me.

I don't know what I want.

And, that's what scares me the most.

"Because it's the truth." I feel him step up behind me, lightly touching my shoulder with one trembling hand. And, maybe he really isn't lying. Maybe he really is telling me the truth, his truth.

"Prove it then. Prove to me that you love me."

And, before I can even blink I'm turned around, flush against his lightly muscled chest, his lips holding mine in the sweetest of all kisses; all I can taste is the ocean, the sea's breezes filling my nose to the brim. I don't know what to do when his tongue touches my bottom lip other than grant him entrance into my moist cavern, letting him taste the disgusting taste that is me. And, it's funny because he doesn't seem to care about the taste or the fact that his soft lips are being scratched by my worthlessly chapped ones. And…I can't remember anyone else ever making me feel sparks so very deeply within my chest.

Moogles…maybe he really does love me.

**Yes, Zexy-dear, he's been trying to tell you that for the past 2000 words~ **

**I apologize for how cliche the kissing scene was. I tried to make it a little better, but that's as good as I could get it. **

**Anyway, I'll try to have a new chapter up soon, and for any of you that are reading 'Keys and Kissing', it should be updated soon. **


	15. Complicated

**Gaah~ This chapter didn't turn out at all how I'd wanted it to. It's just too...choppy and out of character. Thia chapter just didn't want to be written, apparently.**

**Anyway, I'm thinking that this story should wrap up within the next 6 or so chapters...I think. Hopefully, this story will be completed by Valentine's Day (yes, I'm ging to try to make that deadline).**

**I'd like to thank everyone who favorited, alerted, and reviewed. **

((Zexion))

I've never felt more awkward in my entire life. Looking into those oceanic eyes as we pulled apart, a trail of saliva connecting me to him, I can't help but think that I'm dreaming. After all, he can't really love me. But, that, that was the proof. The proof that he does indeed love me. How very wrong. Completely and utterly _wrong_. Why would he love me? I'm worthless. I'm nothing. I'm just…me. Too skinny, too pale, too selfish, too unnecessary. Really, that's all I am. Wrong. So very, very wrong. And, he…he just doesn't understand it. He just doesn't understand that I will never be right. _Never_.

"Is that proof enough for you…?" Demyx asks oceanic eyes a little unsure, lips a little too thin. And, I want to scream. I want to tell him everything that's wrong with me, just one more time. Just one more fucking _time_. Because…I don't want him to love me. I want to throw myself at him and tell him to never let go. Because…I want to be loved. In the end, I can't do either of those things. I simply nod, allowing my bangs to hide my ugly face from the world.

I feel a warm, callused hand gently slide up my neck, fingertips barely brushing my Adam's apple, tilting my chin up so I'm forced to look at him. Him and his abnormal hair. Him and his oceanic eyes that I can't help but drown in. Him and his sun-kissed skin. Him and his odd way of thinking, so much like a child in his honesty. And, I can't help but think that he's an idiot. An idiot for wanting me around, for loving me.

"Hey, come on Zexy, say something…" What does he want me to say? That I love him too? That I can love myself now? What does he _want_?

"I…I'm sorry, Demyx, but…I don't understand." I mumble, pulling away from him, hiding my face from him once again. I can't look at him. Not right now. Not when he's looking at me so pleadingly with those oceanic eyes of his.

"You don't understand…?" He questions, and without even having to look at him I can see the gears turning behind those eyes. And, it's funny because I don't know whether I want them to go away, or stay with me forever. "What is it you don't understand?"

"How can you love me?" I hear him laugh a little, that light laugh I love so much.

"How can I not? You're perfect." I scoff, shaking my head to the side. Liar. Maybe he wasn't lying about loving me- I can give him that, but this…this is a lie. Perfection and I are not, and will never be one in the same. "Now, don't be like that…I'm serious. You're perfect. Sure, you're a little flawed, but that doesn't mean you're not perfect."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Sure it does. You're perfect _because _you're flawed. Uh, how should I explain this? You wouldn't be you without your big blue eyes and pale skin, right? And, just like that, you wouldn't be you without your insecurities. Does that make more sense?" He asks, ruffled just a bit, like I'm making him fall back into that nervous habit of babbling.

"No. Not at all." He sighs, and I know he's smiling. Smiling because that's all he ever does. Smiling because that's just who he is. And, even though I think I understand, I can't help but want him to keep talking, to keep filling the void with pointless words that make everything okay.

"Okay…umm, let's see, it's like green olives and black olives. If you're a green olive without that little red thing in the middle- you know the one, right?- then you're not really a green olive. You're some kind of funny colored black one. Does that help?"

I shake my head, breathy laughter falling from my lips, and I don't have the heart to make it stop. "That doesn't make any sense at all."

He huffs, a strangely childish sound. "You're trying to make this difficult, aren't you?" And, it's so strange that I can't keep myself from nodding, hands covering my mouth, my hair still hiding me. Soon enough, I hear him laughing along with me, a sound that reminds me of musical notes played so lightly on the piano.

"You two okay? Rox and I heard screaming a little while ago…" I brush my hair out of my face, still laughing, watching Axel with his acid eyes and shocked face and I can't stop myself from laughing just a little bit harder. I can hear Demyx in a fit beside me, and I'm guessing he didn't notice Axel walk in either.

"Yeah, we're fine, Axe. Just a little…"

"Odd." I supply, a tiny smile lingering on my lips.

"Yeah. We're just a little odd." And, I know Axel wants to say something, taking in our smiles, our tearstained eyes, but he just rolls those acidic pools, like it's what he really wants to do.

"Yeah, well, get your lazy bums up. Rox made brunch." And, with that he's gone.

Demy just smiles, turning to me. "So, we're cool, right?" He asks. And, it's so honest that I can't deny it. I can't deny the warmth in that smile. The dimples in those cheeks. Those sweet, sweet eyes. I can't deny any of it.

"Yeah, we're cool." We just sit and smile at one another for a while, my stringy hair carefully tucked away behind my ears, his eyes never once leaving my face. And…I can't bring myself to turn away. I can't make myself say or do anything, because…he said he loved me. Because he's not lying. Because he actually does love me.

"Are you hungry?" He asks, breaking the silence. And, I can't keep the toothy grin off my face.

"Starving."

((Demyx))

Mom used to always say that you know you're truly in love when your breath catches at the smallest of things. And, that smile, the one that I had never seen before, took my breath away.

Taking his hand lightly in my own, I led him into Axel and Roxas' kitchen, the two of them happily eating at the bar, two empty plates off to the side. Roxas smiles as we walk in, a little bit of concern hidden within his eyes. I just shrug, guiding Zexion to his seat before making the two of us something to eat. Zexion smiles lightly when I hand him his plate, moving his food around more than actually eating it, but I hadn't been expecting very much from him. He eats like a bird. And, strangely, I can't bring myself to ask him to eat more.

Because…Zexion wouldn't be Zexion if he didn't eat like a bird.

____

"You sure everything's okay, Dem? I _know _I heard screaming. And, your eyes look like death warmed over. What the hell, Dem? What the hell?" Axel whispers, hushed in his own hallway, Roxas and Zexion just around the corner, quietly watching TV.

"Yeah, everything's cool." I smile, trying to reassure him, but those acidic eyes just roll, laced with concern. I know he doesn't believe me. He never does anymore.

"You were _screaming_, Dem. You _never _scream. And, fuck, Dem, he must've made you cry. Have you even looked in a mirror?" I groan. I know he's concerned and he's just worried about me, but sometimes I really wish he wouldn't be. Haven't I proven that I can take care of myself? Haven't I?

"Look, Axel, I'm really fine. We're really fine. Everything's okay. Really." He rolls his eyes again, hands on his hips like he's the one that wants to scream. But, what am I supposed to tell him? What does he _want _me to tell him?

"Oh, like hell you are. What happened, Dem?" I hate that tone of voice, the one where he speaks to me like I'm some kind of child. I love him; I really do. He's my best friend, but sometimes…sometimes I just wish he'd trust me. I really, really do.

"Axe…look, I just…told him I love him."

"You _what_?!" A crash echoes in the other room, followed by a rushed apology and the sound of quick footsteps on the kitchen's tiled floors. I can't stop myself from glaring at Axel, who just shrugs like it's nothing.

"I told him I love him." I repeat, exhaustion creeping up on me. Can't he just let it be? Can't he just take me at my word? Can't he? Can't he please?

"And you two started yelling…? What the fuck, Dem?" I sigh, leaning back against the hallway's thin wall, sneaking a peak around the corner to see that it was indeed a vase that was knocked over, water and dirt scattered on the floor, Roxas and Zexion on their hands and knees picking up the mess, the vase unharmed and sitting forgotten in the corner.

"It's complicated."

"How complicated?"

"I can't tell you…" He raises an eyebrow, looking down at me because he's just too tall.

"And, why is that?" Why does he have to be so nosy? I know he just worries. I know he just cares a little too much. I really do, but…I can't help but wish he'd care a little less sometimes, trust me enough to let me do things on my own.

"Because it's…I just can't, okay?" He groans.

"That's not an answer." I hate this. This constant need of his to know exactly what is going on with me. We're best friends, but enough is enough. I can't handle this. Not right now. I just…can't do it. I'm too busy, too tired. Life's just too…complicated.

"Because it's none of your business, Axe! That's why!" I grind out between gritted teeth in a harsh whisper, trying desperately to keep my voice down. And, to my surprise, Axel smirks, leaning against the opposite wall.

"You're damn right. It's none of my business, Dem." He pats me on the shoulder before disappearing around the corner and plopping down on the couch, Roxas' disapproval audible from the hall.

And, it's funny, but I can't shake the feeling that something really important just happened and I can't even grasp it.

____

"Demyx…?" I turn around slowly, cobalt blue eyes staring at me as their owner, shuffles his feet along the floor, my blue blanket wrapped around his slight frame. "Am I still allowed to sleep with you?" Immediately his cheeks light up, his bottom lip planted firmly in between his teeth. "I mean…I don't know what I mean…but, can I?" I sigh inwardly. I should have known that the more forward attitude he showed earlier would diminish by the time we got home.

"Yeah, why would you?" He shrugs, looking at me awkwardly before turning away. Maybe I shouldn't have told him I loved him. Maybe I should've just kept it a secret. I knew it would change things between us. He knew before that he didn't have to ask to sleep with me. He could just…crawl into bed with me and I would scoot over. Secretly, I loved having him next to me where I could watch him sleep. And, now, I know that things aren't going to be easy like they were. They're going to be awkward and wrong. I just know they are…

But, I don't regret telling him.

Even though I probably shouldn't have said anything, I don't regret telling him. After all, I would have had to tell him eventually, right? My big mouth wouldn't have let me keep it a secret.

"Are you tired?" He nods a little, never once taking his abused bottom lip away from the danger zone. Slowly, I coax him into lying down with me, his head nearly completely buried beneath the covers, hands clasped tightly to his chest. He didn't do that before. He used to curl himself into an embryo, his hands held beneath his chin.

Sighing, I join him, trying not to get too close. I close my eyes slowly, taking in the sight that is Zexion for one last time before I go to sleep. "I love you." I murmur, and I can feel him tense beside me before his breathing evens out.

Things are just…complicated.

**See? It just didn't turn out right in the end.**

**Anyway, a quick explaination, the part between Axel and Demyx is signifigant because Axel is always worried about Demyx letting people walk all over him and when he got mad at Axel he was basically sticking up for himself, which is all Axel wanted, just in case you didn't catch that. **

**I'm going to try for another chapter this weekend, but no promises. **

**Oh, and I do apologize for any spelling errors. It's 12:35 and spell check isn't working. **


	16. Confusion

**I'm going to be honest and say I have no idea what I just wrote. Really...I have no idea. **

**Anywho, thanks for the alerts, reviews, and faves!**

((Demyx))

"Guys, I really don't think-"

"Come on, Dem. Axel said you brought someone new home! We want to see them!" I sigh, eyeing Zexion curled up on the couch out of the corner of my eye, out like a light. I want him to sleep, since he hasn't been sleeping very well since the confession, but…what am I supposed to tell my friends? No doesn't really work.

"Yeah, well I did, but- hey! You can't just barge in!" I grumble as slide past me. I knew it was no use from the beginning; it's not like I hadn't expected Luxord and Marluxia to show up eventually, I just hadn't expected it to be so soon. Defeated, I do the only thing I can do. "You guys want something to drink?" I ask, as they frantically search for my current "housemate". Little do they know that he's actually the lump of blankets spread out on the couch.

"Lemonade."

"Coffee; two creams, no sugar."

Dutifully, I make my way into the kitchen and start to work on the orders. Really, I knew this would happen in the end. And, isn't it for the best? Zexion needs human contact besides me. After all, I'm not exactly what you would call normal. Plus, he does seem a bit skittish, so maybe being around more people will help him get over that.

"Oh my moogles, he's so cute!"

Suddenly, a scream tears through the house, followed by shrieking and the thunk of covers hitting the floor.

Or, maybe being around more people will just make things worse. That's definitely a possibility.

Hurriedly, I make my way into the living room, not at all surprised by the sight that greets me. Zexion is curled up against the corner of the couch, eyes widened to the likeness of a deer in headlights, while Marluxia and Luxord crowd around him, taking no heed to the fact that he's probably hyperventilating. As soon as Zexion sees me, his eyes start to plead with me to make them go away, for me to explain to him why they're here.

"Guys, back up." And, they do, two pairs of strangely colored blue eyes looking right at me, not really understanding. "Sorry, Zexy, they're a little…excitable." He nods, unable to take his eyes off the pair, still trying in vain to catch his breath.

Marluxia smiles wolfishly, perfect pearly whites gleaming. "That name's so cute! You can be Sexy Zexy!" He exclaims, getting right back into Zexion's face. I should've expected as much from him; he's always been like this. "Aww, your face is all red! That so adora-"

**Smack. **

"Luxord, what was that for?!" Luxord just shakes his head, blond spikes swaying a bit, cerulean blue eyes rolling. Maybe this is why I didn't want them to come inside.

Out of the corner of my eye, I see Zexion try to sink a bit further into the couch, his face partly hidden by his bony knees clad in my old, faded jeans. He looks terrified, even worse off then he did with Axel. Of course, I hadn't expected him to be entirely okay with their antics, because no one even slightly normal understands those two, but I hadn't expected him to literally try to disappear.

"'Ello." Luxord greets with a smile in his slightly British accent, extending a hand toward Zexion. "I'm Luxord Durlo, and this strange creature is Marluxia Luiamar." Zexion just stares at his extended hand for a moment, before hesitantly taking the lightly tanned hand in his own pale one, his fingers trembling slightly.

"Z-Zexion Ienzo." Zexy mumbles, retracting his hand and hiding it behind his knees.

"See, you scared him!" Marluxia shouts, plopping down on the couch and pulling Zexion into his chest, slate locks mixing with rosie-pink. Zexy yelps, sliding off the couch and hiding behind me protectively, knuckles whitening from clutching the material of my shirt. Oh moogles, he's _petrified_.

"Guys, try _not _to scare him to death!" I should've known better than to let them in here. I'm sure I could've kept them away somehow or another. Why? Because I knew this would happen. I knew they would freak him out, shattering the quiet peace that's come over the past few days. Granted, Zexion wasn't really sleeping and things were a bit awkward between us, but things were _peaceful_. I wasn't constantly worried about Zexion freaking out and sliding back into his self-hating attitude. He actually seemed like he was getting _better_.

The pair just stares like they don't know what to do, because…well, they don't. They don't know how to deal with someone running away from them. Sure, they've freaked people out before, but they've never actually terrified them. They just don't know how to handle it…

"Sorry…we're really, really, _really _sorry." Marluxia states apologetically, having the decency to lower his head, rosie-pink locks hiding part of his face. "Will you come out now?" Zexion shrinks back into me a little farther, and I can't tell if he's looking to me for comfort or just to make them go away. "Please?"

I sigh, pulling Zexion in front of me with difficulty. He leans back into me, dark blue pools looking at his bare feet as they shuffle along the floor. "Come on, they're okay, if not a bit eccentric. You'll be fine." I whisper in his ear, pushing his bangs back behind his ear so he can't hide his face from them anymore. And, even though I know it makes him uncomfortable, I think he needs this. He needs contact. A lot of contact.

"Okay…"

He walks forward slowly, standing in between me and Luxord and Marluxia. And, I don't know if it's just me, but he looks so lonely just standing there all by himself. Like the whole world is crashing down around him, like nothing is ever going to be okay. And, as much as I want to pull him close and hug him to my chest, I know I can't. I can't because…

He can't get any better with me always fighting his battles for him.

((Zexion))

I don't know why I trust him so much, too much.

If it had been anyone else, I wouldn't have stepped away. If it had been anyone else, I wouldn't have even gone too them. If it had been anyone else…but it wasn't anyone else; it's _never_ been anyone else. No else has ever cared enough to take me in for this long, to pick me up out of the rain, to _love _me. No one else has ever cared. I wonder…is that why I trust him so much? Is that why I'm so eager to please him? To make him happy? Is that why?

I don't know.

I don't know if any of that is why I'm standing here, standing in the middle of this stupid floor with these to…_people _staring at me like I've lost my mind because they don't understand. Because…no one ever understands. But, that's okay this time. I'm not doing this for me. I'm doing this for Demyx. He wants me to talk to them…so I'll talk to them.

"Hi…" I mumble, hanging my head enough to allow my hair to fall in front of my face, hiding it from view. I think I've lost my mind; that's the only logical explanation for this. If I was still sane, I wouldn't be here. I would still be nice and safe behind Demyx's warm body.

"Hi! Let's start over! I'm Marluxia and that's Luxord and we're going to go watch TV, 'kay?" The one with the funny pink hair smiles, grabbing my arm and dragging me back to the couch. "Dem-Dem grab us some drinks." I hear Demyx sigh before his footsteps begin to echo against the kitchen's walls. And, I'm alone. Alone with these people I don't know, with this person touching my arm. I can't stop myself from tensing, this person sitting so close to me, the blond on rolling his eyes before sitting on the other side of Marluxia.

"So, tell me, Sexy Zexy," I wince at the nickname, "what do you like to watch?" He pats my head with his freehand, making me feel like a small child, or maybe a small dog.

"I don't care."

"Home gardening television it is then!"

Behind me, I hear Luxord groan. Maybe I said the wrong thing…?

____

"Bye." I wave slightly, using only my fingers.

"Yeah, we'll see you guys later." Demyx smiles, rubbing my shoulder as the two…oddities disappear inside an old pick-up truck full of flowers and fade away around the corner. "Have fun…?" He asks me, closing the door to avoid letting the cold in, his voice filled to the brim with concern.

"Five straight hours of home gardening television, Demyx. Five straight hours." He laughs, pushing me towards the nook in the corner of the kitchen.

"Yeah, well, someone probably should have warned you about Marly's obsession with flowers." I nod. That might have helped…really would have helped actually. "Are you hungry? We've still got some leftovers from yesterday."

"Not really." I yawn lightly into the palm of my hand. I want to ask him to go to bed, even though it's only about eight o'clock. I want him to go with me, so I'm not by myself, even though I don't sleep when he's there too. I want him to leave me alone, to let me just be me. I want him to hug me and kiss me and…keep me at arms length so I don't end up hurting him.

I don't know what I want.

"Tired, huh?" I nod, unconsciously leaning into his touch. "Me too…you want to…go to bed?" Smiling to myself, I nod again.

Sometimes I think he can read my mind.

____

It's been four hours and seventeen minutes. Demy is fast asleep, lost in his own little dreamland, and I'm still awake; I'm _always _awake, forced to watch the world go by, lost in my own mind. I still don't understand it. I don't understand how it is that he loves me, or why it is that I'm still here. Maybe it's because he makes me feel safe, like no one ever has before, and maybe it's because he actually cares about me. I just don't know.

I don't know if I really love him or if I just _want _to love him, so I can feel safe forever. I don't know if it's really healthy for him to love me, for him to force himself to be so close to me. I don't know if I'll end up hurting him in the end. And…I just can't do that. I won't hurt him. I _can't_ hurt him. Not after everything he's done for me. That would even be too low for someone like me. Someone so lost, so wrong.

I could never hurt him.

Even so, I don't know if I will. I don't want to…I don't want to do to him what everyone else has done to me, but what can I do? I don't know if I love him. I can never say "I love you" to him, because I can't lie to him. I can't tell him something like that for him to only find out later that it's nothing but a lie. Nothing but a useless little lie.

And, I don't want to lie.

I don't want to repay this person, this wonderful person by lying to his face. Maybe it would make him happy in the beginning. Maybe it would make him love me even more, but, as much as I want to be loved, I can't. I don't want to. I would just be hurting him in the end. And, I know that I'm wrong and I'm worthless and I'm just a little nothing, but…that doesn't mean that I want to hurt him.

Because I'm confused.

And, I don't know how to not be.

**See? Look at that! I don't even know what it is!**

**Anyway, tell me what you think...if you have any thoughts at all on this blah~**


	17. Crying

**I was hoping to have this up a bit earlier, but I didn't get any inspiration for it until about...2 hours ago, and here's the product of 2 hours. I tried to make up for the awfulness of the last chapter (because, let's face it, it was pretty bad). Anyway, this chapter doesn't have as much talking in it, but I actually think I like this one. **

**Anyway, I would like to say thanks to all of you who reviewed, favorited, and alerted. **

((Zexion))

"This isn't healthy." Demyx mumbles, trying in vain to give me another cup of soup. But, I don't want the soup. I don't want anything. "You've got to eat something, you know." I shake my head slightly, turning away from him so I don't have to look at the soup, at him, at anything but the brightly painted wall. I can feel him frowning and I don't have to hear the sigh that slides past his closed lips to know that he's a little disappointed in me. I don't blame him. I'm disappointed in me too.

I'm disappointed in the way I'm treating him, yet I can't seem to make myself stop. Because…I still don't know. I don't know if I really love him, and I couldn't bear just leading him on. Not after everything he has done for me. Even someone like me wouldn't repay his kindness with such…hatred. I just couldn't.

Of course, this isn't much better.

This refusal to eat because it makes my insides churn. This inability to sleep because I don't know what I'll end up dreaming. This raw treatment because I don't know how to treat him any better without doing what I hate the most. No…this isn't much better than leading him on. All I'm doing is worrying him; I know that. Yet, I can't make myself stop. I can't make myself tell him what it is I'm really thinking. I'm sure if I could just tell him what's going on inside my head he wouldn't be so disappointed in me. Maybe he would even understand.

That is, if I ever figure out what's going on inside my head.

"Zexy, please just talk to me? Please?" I shake my head again, never once looking at him. Why? Because I already know what he looks like. I already know the pleading expression that will be set on his thin lips, the concerned look in his eyes. I already know the look, just as I already know the way it will tear me up inside to see him looking at me like that. There's no point in me torturing myself any more, is there?

I don't know. Maybe I should be tortured. Maybe that's what I deserve.

I hear him sigh again, the creaking of his knees as he gets up from the floor and the padding of his feet as he makes his way into his little kitchen. I hear it all. I hear the way his hands trail along the counters, the way his heels clank against the floor. Even the way he soft pulling and rustling of his hair as he rubs his face, trying to figure out how to deal with me. I hear it all. The thoughts I imagine are racing through his head, telling him I'm not worth the trouble, that he should get rid of me while he still can. The thoughts that tell him I'm only here to hurt him, that I can never love him back. The awful, doubtful thoughts that I _know _must be running through his mind like a broken record.

And, I can't make myself make them stop.

I can't make myself uncurl from the arm of the couch and tell him why I'm acting the way I am. I can't make myself smile at him reassuringly. I can't even make myself call him back so I can take one bite of the little meal he so lovingly prepared for me. I just…can't make myself do it.

I can't make myself do anything but sit here and watch myself hurt him again and again.

I truly am a worthless human being.

____

The nights are always the best and the worst. It's when my confusing thoughts take over completely. With Demyx lying beside me, sleeping so peacefully, I feel safe. I feel like I belong somewhere. But, I can't help but know that I'm hurting him every time I crawl in to bed with him. At first, he seems happy to see me curl up in a little ball beside him, but even my eyes can read the emotions full of pain, despair, worry when he's just about to drift off to sleep, when he's too exhausted to hide them anymore, when he thinks I am no longer watching.

But, I am watching.

I'm watching him every moment of the day. Whether he is there in front of me or off in another room, I'm watching him, even if he doesn't know it. I shouldn't ever watch him. My eyes were not meant for someone like him. Someone who never stops smiling, someone who is willing to love me. I'm too _wrong _for someone like him. I'm worthless. I'm pathetic. I can't even read my own emotions, and I'm hurting him in the process. Every time he says "I love you", I can't reply back to him. I can't tell him whether or not I love him back. I can't even tell him if his feelings will never go both ways. I just…don't know what I'm doing here.

I don't want to leave. That's the only thought I really understand in my scrambled brain. I don't want to leave this place. Because…it's safe, it's peaceful…because Demyx is here? I don't know.

I wish I knew.

I wish I knew why it was that I want to stay here so badly. Why I'm skipping an entire semester of school because I just don't want to go back, because I just don't want to leave. Why I instinctively follow Demyx around the house when he's going more than just a few rooms away. Maybe I just feel safer this way. I just don't know.

Letting out a slight whimper, I pull my knees closer to my chest, trying desperately to hold back tears that I know are threatening to spill. I don't want to cry anymore. I don't want to cry because I'm confused, because I'm _wrong_.

I just don't want to cry anymore.

((Demyx))

He's crying again, shaking like a child beneath the covers, his face hidden. I think he thinks I go to sleep during the night, and that's why he's always so open whenever the lights go off. Every night, he cries, trying to keep his sobs silent. Maybe he doesn't want to wake me up and that's why he's always so quiet. I don't know. I just wish I could make the crying stop. I just wish I could make it go away, that I could make him happy.

And, maybe I could make him stop crying, maybe I could make him happy, if only I knew what it was that was making him cry in the first place. Is it me? Am I making him cry? Does he feel like he needs to stay here because he _owes _me? Does he really wish he would have died when he jumped off that cliff? Does he cry every night because he feels _obligated _to sleep near me, to stay near me?

Is all of this really my fault?

If only I knew. If only he would tell me. If only, if only.

I bite back a wince as I hear another sob pass his lips. A painful little sob that breaks my heart every night. I can't listen to this for much longer. His sobbing just tears my insides to shreds. Every time he shakes his head, refuses to eat it tears me up on the inside, like my heart is being ripped out, like it was never even there to begin with. I wish I could make it stop. Not for me. No, I don't care about the pain. It hurts me, but I can deal with it just fine. I just want him to be…happy. Even if he can't be happy with me, I want him to be happy with someone else. Someone who will love him just as much as I do.

I bite my abused, bottom lip as another sob slices through the air. I can't deal with this. I really, really _can't _deal with this. It hurts too much. It's too painful. For him and for me.

"Zexy…?" I whisper. I feel him stiffen beside me. I can't even feel him breath as the minutes pass by in silence, his body shaking slightly. "Zexy…please tell me what's wrong." I plead, pulling the covers back so I can see him all curled up in a tiny little ball beside me, his slate hair hiding his face from view. I want to see his face. I want to see his precious eyes. I just…want to see him.

He doesn't say anything. He just stays hidden, his bottom lip secured between his teeth, trying to keep him from allowing another sob to escape, his shoulders shaking violently. I just want him to talk to me. I just want him to trust me.

"…I-I can't."

I sigh, relieved to know he'll talk to me, even if he won't tell me what's wrong. "Why?" He shakes his head, still refusing to look at me, still refusing to uncurl. "Come on, Zexy, please? I won't get mad at you, no matter what you say." I take a deep breath, because I know I have to say this right. Because I know I have to make sure he understands. "I'm not going to hurt you, okay? I'm not going to scream at you, or kick you out, or…anything like that, okay? I promise. So, please? Please just tell me what's wrong?"

He shakes his head again, and I know he's fighting with himself. Because…some part of him wants to tell me everything and the other part wants to stay hidden, locked away forever in his mind. But, this is better than him staying silent, then him refusing completely. This means I have a chance.

"Please, Zexy? No matter what you say, I'm not going to be disappointed in you. So, don't be ashamed of whatever you're thinking, okay? Just don't be. It'll be okay." He shakes his head again, a little harder this time. "Please, Zexy, please?" Slowly, I touch his chin, tilting it up so he has to look at me. I can feel his labored breaths on the tips of my fingers, his salty tears sliding down to the palm of my hand. "Please?"

"A-are you s-sure you won't g-get mad?" And, all I can do is nod as soon as those shaky words pass those perfect lips, smiling reassuringly. Slowly, he sits up, hugging his knees to his chest, watching me like he's trying to make sure that I'm actually telling him the truth, that I won't really get mad at him. He swallows and opens his mouth like he's going to say something, but closes it again, still watching me with those precious cobalt eyes of his. "I-I'm…confused." I don't say anything, because I know he's going to say something else. Because I know confusion isn't everything he has on his mind.

He takes a deep breath and starts again. "I'm confused. I'm confused about going back to school, about staying here, about my parents, about…you." He bites his bottom lip, looking at me, pleading with me with those pretty eyes.

"What about me are you confused about?' I smile just a little bit, touching his fingertips. And, maybe it's a good sign that he doesn't jerk away from me.

"I just…I-I don't want to hurt you." He finally manages, covering his face with his hands, maybe trying to hide from me.

"Why would you hurt me?" I don't understand. How would he hurt me? How _could_ he hurt me? He's just too perfect. Too perfect to hurt me.

He shakes his head again, like he really doesn't want to tell me. Like he really doesn't' want me to know what he's thinking. "I just…can't tell you. I just can't." He takes a shaky breath, inhaling from behind his boney little hands.

"Please, Zexy? Just tell me…"

And, slowly he lowers his hands, tiny little tears flowing down those perfect cheeks.

"Because…I don't know if I love you."

**And, thus, the chapter ends. ^-^**

**Like I said, this chapter was a lot more in the character's heads than the last few. I'll try to have another chapter up soon.**

**Please review~!**


	18. Someday

**It's a bit later than it was supposed to be and a bit shorter, but eh, whatever. Please read the ending A/N.**

**Thanks to all of you who reviewed, favorited, and alerted. **

((Demyx))

And, I can't stop the smile that worms its way onto my face, threatening to devour it.

Is that all he's worried about? Is that really it? He doesn't feel like I'm forcing him to stay here? He doesn't feel _obligated _to be around me? He's just…confused? That's it? I can't stop the slight giggle that passed my parted lips. He's just a little confused. That's it. That's all. Nothing else. Never once in my life have I been so happy by the mere prospect of confusion.

"Listen, Zexy," I grab one of his dainty little hands and enclose it with both of my own. To my surprise, he doesn't jerk away. He doesn't even flinch; he just looks at me with those precious, blue eyes, "you don't _have _to love me. You don't have to tell me that you love me, and you don't have to _feel _like you _need _to love me. Okay?" He nods hesitantly, his eyebrows furrowed in the slightest way, his nose scrunched up so it's barely noticeable. And, al I can think is how cute he looks in his confusion, just how adorable his face is.

"I…I'm sorry, but…I don't really understand." He sniffles, his tears finally stopping, those precious eyes staring at me with all their red-tinted glory.

I sigh, playing with his fingertips squished in between my palms. "You see, the thing is, I love you. I really, really love you. And, because I love you so much, I don't have to have you love me back…does that make any sense?" He looks at me longingly for a moment, his fingertips tingling in between my hands, before he shakes his head in just the slightest way, his fringe of hair swishing about his face.

"Not at all." I sigh, smiling at him. His bottom lip is protruding ever so slightly, making him look much like a child who's pouting in order to get their way paired with his slightly reddened eyes and tear-stained cheeks.

"Umm…so it's like this, I love you. And, because I love you, I just want you to be happy, and if you can't be happy with me, I don't want you to be with me, even though it would make me happy. Does that make more sense?" I ask, tilting my head to the side as I watch him. For a while, he doesn't say anything. He just looks at our joined hands, tapping his fingertips against my pale slightly.

"…Maybe." he mumbles, refusing to look at me.

And, maybe I've said the wrong thing. Maybe I've made him even more confused. Maybe I've screwed everything up. Maybe he'll take my words the wrong way. After all, I was never gifted with words and I'll never be. So, what if I said the wrong thing, or maybe just said something the wrong way and he takes it wrong? What if, what if, what if?

I don't know about "what if's".

"Could I…maybe ask you something?" Finally, he looks up at me with those precious eyes of his, years worth of doubts masked beneath their twin pools.

I can't help but smile. "Anything you want." And, I think I see a nearly unnoticeable twitch of his lips, like he's fighting himself not to smile too.

"Will you always love me? Not just right now…but when you find out everything about me. Everything I've done wrong. Everything that makes me _wrong_. What then? Will you still love me? Or, will you get rid of me like everyone else?" I bite my lip, watching him as his voice shakes, as his eyes water, even though he's trying to make them stop.

What am I supposed to say to that?

Am I supposed to assure him that I'll love him forever and ever, that I'll never let him go? Am I supposed to look him in the eye and tell him just how much I love him, just what I think of him? Is that what I'm supposed to do? Is that the _right _thing to do?

I don't know.

But, maybe I'll get it right just telling him what I think he needs to hear.

The _truth_.

"I won't get rid of you. Ever." I take a deep breath, letting that sink in, making him understand what I'm trying to tell him. "And, I don't think you're wrong. I think you're perfect. Perfectly flawed, but perfect and that's all that matters. Nothing in your past will make me think any less of you either. It won't make me not love you. It won't change anything. It-"

"How will it not?" He interrupts, brows nearly touching as he tries to figure it out. And, I can't help but crinkle my eyes just a bit in watching him. So very small, so very curious.

"Because. Because I try not to judge people, and it doesn't matter anyway because who you were in the past doesn't mean anything. I'm in love with the person you are right now, not the one you were back in high school or anything like that. And, I don't want to lie to you. I don't want to tell you that I'll love you forever and ever, because…I don't know and I don't want to hurt you. But, I really do love you and I'll love you fro as long as you'll let me. Okay? Does that answer your question?"

And, I think I see a tiny smile on his lips.

"Yes…that answers it." He leans away from me, allowing his fingertips to dance across my palm as he slides them away, cradling that hand close to his chest.

"Zexy…?" I ask, cocking my head to the side just a bit, watching him as he gently rocks himself back and forth along the side of the bed, tears all dried up, hair askew.

"Demyx…can I ask you something else?" I nod enthusiastically, wanting to know just what it is that's putting such a smile on Zexion's pale face. "What would you tell me if I said I was willing to _try _to love you back? What would you say then?"

((Zexion))

I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know if it will hurt him and I don't know if this is really what he wants to hear, if this is really something I _should _be saying. I just don't know. And, for once, I think that's okay. I don't have to know. I don't have to keep myself from hurting him. I don't have to keep myself from smiling. I just _don't_.

I just have to try.

That's all I have to do. I just have to try for him. Try to make him happy. Try to make everything work out, as long as it makes _both _of us happy.

I hear him gasp, a sharp intake of breath in one quick moment in which all he does is stare at me. Stare at me like I'm all that matters, like I'm what's important to him. And, it makes me feel important.

I think I like feeling important, like I matter to someone, like I'm not just there in order to be screamed at and thrown away. Sitting up just a bit higher, watching those oceanic orbs of his widen, I realize that I don't like this feeling at all. I love it. Everything about it.

"Do you really mean that?" He asks, breathlessly, that characteristic smile of his taking over his tan, chiseled face. And, I think I love that smile.

Slowly, I nod, maybe a little unsure. But, it doesn't matter because I don't care. I want this person, this wonderful person to be happy. Happy because he's with someone he loves to make happy. If that makes any sense at all.

"And, you're not just saying that to make me happy, right? You saying it because you want to and you really want to try and you're not going to f-" He stops himself, looking at me with that perfect smile, with those lean shoulders slumped in just the slightest way. "I'm babbling again, aren't I?"

And, I can't stop laughing.

Laughing because everything really will be okay. Because nothing else matters. It doesn't matter that I'm skipping school. It doesn't matter that my parents hate the ground I walk on. And, it doesn't even matter that I don't really know what I want. Nothing matters but this. This right here, this lost moment. There is _nothing _but this, and this is all I want. All I really want. Maybe all I've ever wanted.

Soon enough, I can hear him laughing along with me. And, we much be such a sight laughing our asses off this early in the morning. We must really be a sight. A pathetic little sight. But…that's okay. We can be pathetic. We can be a sight. Because…we're happy, and that's all I want us to be. Him and…me, because maybe I really do deserve to be happy like Demyx says I do. Maybe he's right and I've just been wrong all this time. Maybe…maybe.

Slowly, our laughter dies down so it's just me staring at him and he staring at me, our eyes locked together in a never-ending staring contest, neither one of us wanting to break the comfortable, _happy _silence. And, that's okay. That's completely and utterly okay. Wonderfully okay, even.

Everything's just…perfect.

Perfectly flawed, and that's all it will ever be. Maybe he cares a little too much. Maybe he babbles when he's nervous and maybe he can't stand seeing other people unhappy. Maybe that's his imperfections, but they're not _bad _imperfections, at least not really. And, maybe I'm too pale and maybe I'm too skinny. Maybe I talk too bluntly and maybe I don't like wearing my emotions on my sleeve. But, those flaws don't make me _wrong_, do they? They don't make me a bad person, just a little different. Maybe…maybe.

_Maybe the maybes in life are all that really matter_.

"Hey, Zexy…?" Demyx asks, those oceanic pools of his watching me with a childlike intensity. I nod at him, telling him to continue, a faint smile on my too-pale lips. "Are you happy?" And, it surprises me how genuinely he asks me such a thing, like he really wants to know, like my answer is really all that matters to him.

And, I love that.

I _really_ love that.

Instead of answering, I lean closer to him, hesitantly touching my lips to his. For a moment, our lips meld together, soft against slightly chapped. I can taste the faintest bit of ocean and for some reason, I think he can taste just the slightest bit of lavender on my breath. And, we don't kiss for long and maybe it's not the most passionate of kisses. It's just chaste and sweet, and that's all it should be.

_Because, we're not lovers. _

We're just a new couple, maybe not even a couple, that maybe knows a little bit too much about one another. Nothing has to be passionate. Nothing has to be hot and heavy. Nothing has to last forever.

Because, all we need is one little kiss to tell each other what we need to hear.

That we'll be okay. That _everything _will be okay.

_And, maybe, maybe someday can come for everyone. After all, it came for me. _

**The End. **

**Really, according to my plans, this was supposed to stretch for a few more chapters, but I wrote this one and, to me, it seemed like the perfect ending. I didn't want to wrap everything up and I didn't really want to stretch these two out beyond their welcome (because never-ending stories are annoying). Now, if you want, I will do an epilogue, which there will be a time jump in between if I do end up doing one. In which case, the story may earn it's M rating. However, if not, I might bump it down to T, because I don't feel like it's been too terribly graphic, and the M rating was basically just a precaution anyway. Also, even if I don't end up doing an epilogue, there will be one more chapter (two if I do the epilogue). In it there will be a thanks, a list of one-shots and new stories to choose from (which may or may not go up on a pole), and the rewarding of free request stories to a few reviewers (the 50th, the person who has reviewed the most, and possibly the person whose comments have been the most constructive- I'm not quite sure yet). **

**Anyway, please tell me what you think. It would be greatly appreciated, since I am sort of proud of this story (mostly since the whole thing is the product of two lines of a song I listened to). **


	19. Smiling

**Thanks to all of you who reviewed, favorited, and alerted. ^-^**

((Zexion))

I smile shyly at myself, watching as my little teeth are slowly unveiled. It's hard to believe that I can smile like this when only a few years ago I had forgotten how to smile. But, here I am. Here I am wearing a black cap and a loose gown, ready to walk across that stage and collect my degree. It's funny to think about now. I nearly died. And, if it wasn't for Demyx, I would have. I wouldn't be able to walk across that stage. I wouldn't be able to smile at myself in the mirror. I wouldn't have met the love of my life.

Yeah, it's funny how things can change.

Two years ago, I wouldn't have thought I could be standing here, somewhere _I _belong, happy. Really, truly happy. Two years ago, I was still used by abusive boyfriends, trapped by my possessive parents, and isolated by my thoughts.

Two years have never seemed like such along time.

I started dating Demyx. I disowned my parents. And, I don't hate myself anymore. I still think about what makes me wrong sometimes, but it's nothing like it was. Those things don't make me _wrong_ anymore. They make me a person. A flawed person, but that's fine. Everyone has flaws; I've just learned how to except mine.

And, that's all I really needed.

Sometimes, I think about my life before I ever met Demyx, back when I used to be so…childish in my wants. I remember thinking I was worthless, that I was nothing. I remember waking up every morning, wishing for someone to love me. And, it funny that trying to die, to just get away from it all was what really granted my wish in the end. If I had lost my nerve, if I hadn't have jumped, I would have never met him. I would have never been able to turn my life around.

Funny how death is what made me live.

"Hey, are you ready?" I jump, still not entirely freed from the habit, as Demyx talks to me from the bathroom's doorway. Still smiling, I turn to him, my robe billowing around me. He looks just like he did two years ago, blond hair in that abnormal style, oceanic eyes that can't tell a lie. Some things change and some things don't, I guess.

And, I wouldn't have it any other way.

"Yeah." He smiles at me, that childish grin that he's always had, the one that makes everything seem okay. With that persistent smile on my face, I walk over to him, grabbing one of his larger hands in both of my own. Slowly, I stand on my tiptoes, lightly touching our lips together, in just a quiet, sweet kiss. I don't have to wait for him to kiss me back, that oceanic scent filling my nose, nor do I have to wait for his free hand to lightly grip my waist.

"I love you." He whispers against my lips as I pull away, my feet flat on the floor. I don't have to hesitate like I did those many months ago. We're past that time; we're on to something better. Something greater.

"I love you too."

And, I can't seem to stop smiling.

**And, there's the end. I thought I would keep it sweet, so i****t didn't end up living up to its 'M' rating, so it will be dropped. (Sorry, I just couldn't make it flow with the story). Also, I know this is a little short, but I wanted it to be about the same size as the prolouge, which was only about 600 words. I also wanted it to end with Zexion, since that's how it began.**

**There's one chapter left, which will consist of thanks, rewards, and new stories that I will be working on. And, yeah...I guess that's it. **


	20. Thanks

First off, I would like to say thank you to my reviewers: Zenxara, NinjaSheik, Finale Di Amore, Festival of Asylum, youngnozomi, xXxanti-socialxXx, blahgirl13, F-cktheWorld, Danni-la, S h m i l e y's H e.a r t , Princess of Oblivion, LiteraryMirage, Zemyx-AkuRoku, xxFraise, .But Friends Make Secrets, Mimi Foxtrot, Li the Twilight Night, Zemyx-Obsessedx, firefly734, X-Sadistic-Bitch-X, LunarIsOfficiallyInsane, shawpaw12, Strawberry Nuttcase, Authir, Umi-Chan666, blindartist12345, Roxy-Chan101, Dark Moon Forever, Espresso Marie, SamZelRavSmash, jasmine, Sasami-Harutei, Dystopian Hope, and anyone else I may have missed (tell me and I will add you in).

And, thank you to all of you shadow readers! You're important too!

Okay, now~ the following people get a free request:

xxFraise for the 50th review

F-ucktheWorld for reviewing the most

Okay, now for those of you who care, here are some one-shots that I've been thinking about. My next order of business if a Bleach fic, so I won't be putting up any stories to choose from. However, I would like to stay active within the Dexion pairing. Oh, and keep in mind that these are just loose summaries. Therefore, not completely accurate.

**One-Shots:**

_Doll _

Short Summary- _When everyone is a different type of doll, what do you do when you got stuck being the rag doll?_

Extended Summary- _The city was beautiful, bright lights taking over the darkness of the night. Such a beautiful city. Such a beautiful place that he just didn't belong. No. someone like him should never be allowed in such a place. People like him were meant for the dark. __**Ragdolls **__such as him just didn't belong. _

_If You Play Your Cards Right_

Short Summary- _I've never liked card games. I've never liked my job or the Casino's noise, but I've always hated the musicians the most. _

Extended Summary- _I hate this place. I hate these pompous pigs that have nothing better to do than drink too much, waste too much money, and pick up one of the street whores on their way out. I hate the never-ending noise that makes my ears ring long after my shift is over. I hate it. __**All **__of it. But, what I hate the most is the new musicians Luxord brings in every month. They're the absolute worst. _

_I'll Make You Fly_

Short Summary- _Addict- a person who by habit and strong inclination indulges in something or the pursuit of something. Yes, I am definitely an addict. _

Extended Summary- _It was late when I finally decided to pack up my sitar and head home. My fingers were nearly frozen stiff, my breath like ice in the cold night air. It didn't take me very long to grab my old top hat with its modest amount of money and sling my case over my shoulder. It was just another normal day. And, then, then I saw him. He was eight stories up, hanging off the roof of my apartment complex. His arms were spread out on either side of him, and, even from my low vantage point, I could see his bare feet barely hanging on to the roof's cement edge, slate hairs flying around his face with every half-turn those feet made. And, for a moment, I just stood there, unable to comprehend what was going on because…he was __**laughing**__. _

Well, I guess that's it. Thanks again to those of you who reviewed, favorited, alerted, or shadow read! It's much appreciated! ^-^

(Oh, and you can vote for a One-Shot on my profile or here by reviewing. Those of you that won requests can give me specifics from here or by messaging me on my profile.)


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